As finals week approaches for most students, so does the stress levels, anxiety, and in my experience, self shame for the ample amounts of things done to cope with that stress.

This is something that I struggle with almost everyday. I'll get mad at myself after logging onto Facebook multiple times in the middle of writing my essay, for scrolling through my photo library when I have tons of emails to answer, or for accidentally finishing off a whole family-sized bag of chips when I wasn’t even hungry in the first place. Sometimes I even have shame with things that are more commonly seen as “healthy” - after a hard workout or after writing to-do lists or spontaneously cleaning my whole room.

I think I do this because I know these are little mechanisms to make myself feel in control when in reality, I’m feeling the exact opposite about everything else in life.

Most people would probably agree that the overuse of these types of mechanisms is not healthy; eating full bags of chips every day, becoming obsessive about cleaning, and spending more time on social media than your homework are all not sustainable habits. Nevertheless, I’ve been beginning to learn that sometimes, I need a way out. I need a way to distract my mind from stress and that is totally okay. I really don’t have to hate myself for whatever coping mechanism results from stress.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve gotten so frustrated with myself because I didn’t keep focus on something I was trying to accomplish. I even remember during finals week of my first semester, I would see signs that read, “Destress with puppies”, “Finals breakfast break" and more. I'd roll my eyes. In my head, to study well you had to focus 100%, with a willpower and stamina that was invincible. But even then, I would find myself running to distraction in my most important “focus” time. Because I refused to take part in all of the “de-stressing" activities, when I would find myself scrolling through Instagram or doodling on the side of my paper, I’d get mad at myself for it. I’d tell myself, "these are just cheap highs, you are better than this, now get back to work!"

So maybe these little ways of distraction, procrastination, and avoidance really are just "cheap highs". Maybe they are just manifestations of stress and overall aren’t going to help us get anything accomplished. I don’t want to undermine the importance of focusing on what is really important, but something I’ve learned is that while all these things may be true, sometimes it’s okay to let myself have an escape.

For example, as strange as it may sound, sometimes a doodle on the side of my assignment does more for my focus than a cup of coffee or another hour of study. Sometimes a quick scroll through my Instagram before I start helps me focus more than completely turning off my phone and depriving myself of the ability to use it completely.

I think for me, times of stress often bring out my “black and white” mindset. This is a mindset where I see the world in either black or white, with no grey or shades in between. This means that I either spend hours on Instagram or have to delete the app from my phone. It means that I have to do work super hard or not work at all. As efficient as this mindset may be at times, it's not reality. The world is so many shades of grey and half-ways and middle ground. I don’t think a black-and-white mindset is a sustainable way to live. This is because eventually, I always end up needing a break. This fact is merely inevitable. Because of this, I don’t think we should put shame on ourselves when we allow ourselves to escape the world for a second.

This applies to far more than just studying and school; we run to these mechanisms when we are feeling physically, emotionally, or mentally drained. When we feel like we are constantly letting people down or nothing is going right. We seek a burst of dopamine and a sense of validation via a different medium. And as arbitrary and unsustainable and unhealthy these things may be - imagine how relieving it would be if you just told yourself that sometimes, it’s exactly what you need. Imagine simply taking responsibility for your actions instead of getting mad at yourself for them. Imagine just admitting that your human and sometimes need an escape from reality, instead of denying the fact that you are not invincible.

I think the most important thing we can do is simply be aware that whatever we are doing to cope with stress, is in fact a coping mechanism. And with that, remember that is totally normal and okay. When I notice myself getting distracted, I’ve been trying to remind myself that it is a result of stress and something in me is needing an escape. I find that when I shift from deprivation to simply accepting the momentary escapes, I am much more successful in facing the actual issue at hand, whether its emotional or mental. Overall, this shift means recognizing and accept our humanity, instead of shaming ourselves when we can’t defeat it.