As incoming college freshmen, young women are often advised to never walk back to the dorms alone in the dark or take drinks from strangers at parties. But what advice is given to young men? Society as a whole usually views women and children as the classic victims of sexual violence, labeling these groups as especially vulnerable and prone to abuse when compared to men. However, recent statistics show that men are victimized as well, more often than most of us realize. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), “2.78 million men in the U.S. have been victims of sexual assault or rape.”
By any standard, this is a huge number of victims. But the number becomes even more disturbing when juxtaposed with the attitude that most people hold toward and about men. In many societies, men are encouraged to be dominant, strong, and capable regardless of situation or circumstance. After Silence, an anti-sexual violence organization that provides online chat rooms for survivors, cites that these expectations for men often lead male survivors to feel isolated, ashamed and emasculated. Each of these feelings can be devastating to the victim, and combined they lower the chances that the attack will be reported to law enforcement.
When attacks are not reported, sexual predators are left free to pursue other targets. In the case of sexual violence against men, failure to report can also lead to decreased public awareness and understanding of the issue. In order to help prevent sexual violence as a whole, we must change the way we view male victims. Men aren’t happy “just getting laid.” Like women, men choose their sexual partners based on their own preferences, and often won’t settle for a partner they aren’t interested in.
With that said, it is usually easy to tell if someone is interested or not. Look at their body language, and if you’re still unsure, just come right out and ask. Getting rejected is part of life, and if it happens, at least you can move on and not waste any more of your precious time. Don’t try to “convince” them. They know what they want, and if it’s not you, get over it. Chances are they aren’t of any importance in the grand scheme of your life. What’s important is that you respected another human being in the way you should expect to be respected by others.
If someone disrespects you, regardless of gender, don’t let it spiral out of control. If you’re at a party, try to get away from the person and find a friend. Even if you don’t know many of the people at the party very well, most will be able to tell that you are uncomfortable and help you stay safe. Don’t walk back to your dorm room by yourself at night. If you frequently stay late at the library, find others who do as well and leave as a group each night.
The bottom line is that anyone can be a sexual predator, and anyone can be prey. If a woman violates a man, it isn’t a twisted role reversal that we can brush under the rug. It is a victimizer and a victim. All sexual violence is heinous, and gender should not be used to make one attack have more weight than another on the scales of justice.
