For those of you who have read my previous articles, it should be clear that I am incredibly interested in social change. For those of you who have never read another thing I’ve written, welcome, I talk about social justice and social change. A lot. Those are the perils of being a Sociology Major and person of color I suppose.

Anyway, I am going to start this article in the same way I usually do, by telling you what I will not be talking about. This will not be an article about how upset I am that there isn’t more representation of people of color on campus.

I am not going to talk about how the same people show up to every protest, walk out, and instance of social resistance—that is covered in another of my articles. No, today I’m going to be exploring a concept that was recently brought to my attention by a friend of mine—the issue of sharing your views and opinions with others instead of forcing said views upon another individual.

Ultimately—in a world that is becoming increasingly polarized, and in a country so terribly divided on issues that impact millions upon millions of individuals—it has become more important than ever to practice good communication skills. With such skills, it becomes possible to tackle each and every issue we, as citizens of the world, are facing today. We cannot, however, do that if the individuals we are trying to engage feel that we are bashing them over the head with our beliefs while simultaneously devaluing everything they have ever thought or believed.

This kind of interaction—a type of interaction which has become incredibly common on college campuses over the past few years—is ultimately damaging to whatever agenda an individual is trying to push, no matter their political leaning. By bludgeoning an individual with your ideas, you successfully manage to do one thing and one thing only, turn them against everything you have said because of the manner in which you presented it.

Now, before I get comments about not subscribing to respectability politics and not allowing ignorance to continue unchecked, let me say that both of those concepts have their own merit. All the same, if we really want to create a world in which other individuals can and will subscribe to our ideologies, we mustn’t scream at them about the importance of our issue and then verbally castrate them when they disagree.

We mustn’t discount the fact that the individuals we are interacting with our people. They are complicated people with reasons for believing the things that they believe. We mustn’t ignore that they hold their beliefs because they have had experiences—whether from the safety of a ridiculously expensive home or from the unforgiving streets known only to people who have been homeless—that shape their thoughts and opinions.

Taking another individual’s potential background before attempting to engage with them on subjects that really matter is difficult. It is something that I and everyone else in the world fails at on a regular basis. But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t attempt to do so all the same. All in all, when we approach someone, we should take the time to get to know their point of view before trying to tell them that they need to change. This is something that cannot always be done.

There are times when you will not be in the emotional or mental state to engage with someone who has ideas so radically different from your own. That is okay. In fact, recognizing that you are not in the position to converse with someone at any particular moment is most likely one of the most important things any of us can do. I say this because engaging with another individual when all you can think about is how wrong they are or how damaging their beliefs are to your identity, ultimately causes you mental and emotional harm while assuring that you do not hear anything they say.

This also assures that most of the responses you have during the course of that interaction will be fueled by negative emotion—and though emotion can be one of the most persuasive tools at anyone’s disposal, it can also be one of the most blinding distractions in the world.

So, to get to the point, how should we engage in these conversations? By listening, evaluating, responding, and learning. If we take the time to truly hear what our conversational partner says, we could potentially learn how to change their mind on a subject. We could also even change our own minds on something.

By evaluating both what they say and what we say, we can be sure that we understand another individual’s true intent during a conversation. By responding and responding thoughtfully, we show that we value the conversation we are having—this also provides the chance to modify another individual’s beliefs, so being sure that our language means what we want it to mean, we can assure that the most is gained out of our responses. Finally, we can learn throughout the course of our interactions. Even if all you learn is that the person you are talking to is crazy and they want to burn down the world, you learned something.

Ultimately, I think the learning aspect of conversation—especially on politically charged topics, is the most important aspect. After all, if we don’t learn about our opponent’s ideas, how can we refute them? Short answer? We can’t. All in all, by acknowledging the humanity of the people we talk with and making a sincere effort to engage in and not dictate a conversation is how we really make a change on an individual level.

It is also important to realize that we cannot change everyone’s mind—hell, we might not change anyone’s mind but we can try to ensure that our interaction with another individual does not prevent them from wanting to have similar conversations in the future. I truly believe that education and conversation are the keys to a better future.

You do not have to agree with that, but having better conversations on topics that people either shut down over scream over will only help us in the long run. So, for all my social justice inclined readers, I hope you got something out of this. For everyone else, I hope you did as well.