How I Met Your Mother is awesome. One of the best shows I've ever watched. Naturally, I have my favorite episodes, including Barney's bachelor party and Slapsgiving. One episode that always pops out in my mind is the one about being "on the hook" (season 5, episode 16).
In this episode, Ted has a girl named Tiffany over to his apartment. Ted bakes a cake for her and rubs her feet while she watches television, but Tiffany then tells him that she can't be with him...right now. Ted's friends see through Tiffany's ruse, letting him know that he has been "hooked" by Tiffany -- a euphemism for stringing someone along.
Basically, to be "on the hook" is to be overly infatuated with a person, while this desired person generally takes little notice, oftentimes using the hooked person until they find someone better.
This type of back-burner relationship is extremely popular, even though it takes a toll on all parties involved. Without defining the relationship, neither person knows how to act, what to expect, what is expected, etc., which creates muddy waters and awkward situations. Back-burner relationships tend to generate repeated heartbreak.
If these relationships hurt people so much, what is it about being "on the hook" that attracts us? It is the possibility. The game. The desire to be with that person. However, as I have learned in one of my own relationships, this is a fantasy.
In my situation, I thought he wanted me. He would leave for a little while, but he always came back. Whenever he came back, I thought he was back in my life because he wanted me. I thought he needed time. I even thought he was "the one" because he was the one who kept coming back to me.
But that's the thing about being "on the hook." It fills us with hope, masking the root of the matter. The only reason he kept calling me after other failed relationships is because I was his safety net. His back-up. His plan B. His "just in case" girl. I kept opening the door, and he kept picking me up off the shelf, skimming every page but never reading deeply into the words to find the themes and metaphors.
And after skimming through, he always put me right back on the shelf.
This relationship left me with many wounds, some of which still need healing. So, if you find yourself on someone's hook, do yourself a favor. If he tells you he "needs time," end it. If she says she wants to be with you but can't "right now," end it. Being on the back-burner leads to nowhere, and I learned this the hard way.
The maybe will not become a yes. The someday will only keep you lingering.
Love yourself enough to know that you deserve better. You deserve someone who will love you right here, right now, forever and always.
