This week we were blessed with a two-part episode, and oh, it did not disappoint. We'll split up the recap in two parts because four hours of Chad's roid-rage is very dense to get through.
Episode 1
Every season there's always one really awkward episode to sit through. We reached that point on Monday. We started with some sort of intimate yoga class, a.k.a. Chase and JoJo straddling each other and staring into each other's eyes for a good five minutes, while we're all sitting at home cringing. The "instructor" told them to have an "anger-gasm." Yeah. That happened.
The group date got even more sexual when the guys had to share their most outrageous sex-related stories at a comedy show. The only thing to really take away from this date is that everyone's first times are awkward and Daniel is really weird and cut a girl's hair during sex. How or why, we do not know.
The Chad drama commenced when he was invited on the group date and whined about having to go on a date with 11 other men. Excuse me, but, do you know what you signed up for? Do you know what the premise of this show is? You literally signed up to hang out with a bunch of guys who want the same woman and hope she picks you. He then whines that "these guys don't impress me." Well, what a shame, Chad, because all these guys are here to win your affection. He keeps up the whining by refusing to tell his sex story, also forgetting how this show works.
The rest of the episode began the epic of Evan vs. Chad, where Evan, the guy who handles dysfunctional genitalia as a profession, makes a reference to the entire crowd that Chad takes steroids and can't perform because of it. This resulted in Chad pulling Evan's two-sizes-too-small shirt and making the producers get a body guard to watch over Chad at the mansion. Evan then did something unheard of in franchise history; he tattled about Chad being an asshole, and rather than being sent home, he was given a rose.
To conclude a drama-filled episode, Daniel (Chad's only acquaintance in the house) called Chad "Hitler," "Donald Trump," and "Mussolini."
Episode 2
Instead of a cocktail party, JoJo hosts a pool party (What?) and Chad does not go home. But are we really that shocked?
The men and JoJo travel to Pennsylvania to be outdoorsy and put all the drama behind them. But in true "Bachelorette" fashion and with this being the "most dramatic season yet," the drama was certainly not behind them. Chad threatened Jordan's life, and I hope everyone else noticed that when JoJo found out about that, the interest was just a tad higher than when Chad was messing with Evan. A.k.a. JoJo kicked Chad off the rock he was sitting on in the woods to let him venture around with a hatchet.
Important things to take away from Tuesday's episode:
- Chad referenced himself as "the guy who stole your girlfriend" and "Chad-bear"
- The most awkward two on one date was with Chad and Alex and they put them in the woods with sharp weapons, alone. What.
- The guys were way more excited about meeting Ben Rothlisberger during the group date than finding love
- This is definitely turning into a horror movie
- Evan totally looks like Steve Buscemi
Because of double the drama this week, we won't be getting an episode, or a recap, for another week. But this only gives us more time to conspire about what Chad will do, even though he's technically kicked off the show but he's still creeping around. Will he wear a bear suit and jump out to scare everyone? We can only hope.
