If "The Bachelor" Contestants Had Senior Superlatives

If "The Bachelor" Contestants Had Senior Superlatives

The good, the bad, The Bachelor.
110
views

Imagine if the contestants of "The Bachelor" all went to the same high school. Everyone loves to hate that time near the end of the year when the senior class arbitrarily decides the fates of their peers by voting on their senior superlatives. I give you, "The Bachelor" Class of 2017 Senior Superlatives.

Alexis: Voted most likely to... Grow a blowhole.

I'm not going to lie -- I'm shocked Nick has kept Alexis around as long as he has. Don't get me wrong, she seems like a great girl, just not necessarily "wife" material. I'll give it to her, though. She's what we'd call a method actor. She expressed her love for dolphins by not only showing up on night one in a "dolphin" costume but also by claiming it as her favorite animal and listing her occupation as "Aspiring Dolphin Trainer," which we all know is just another creative way of saying "unemployed." Hats off to Alexis for doing the most and owning it!

Astrid: Voted most likely to... Put me to sleep.

Astrid is a 26-year-old Plastic Surgery Office Manager in Tampa, FL. Other than her name, there isn't much about Astrid that doesn't make me want to fall asleep. She listed the 5 things she can't live without as "My mom, my phone, lashes, yoga, red wine," if this doesn't make you want to click "Next" I'm not sure what will. She's one of five girls who listed her favorite animal as a "dolphin," which clearly indicates she's one of a kind. I'm waiting for her to do something TV worthy, if not I'm going to be forced to refer to her as "Ashley."

Corinne: Voted most likely to.... Get caught having an inappropriate relationship with a producer.

She is one of the most sexually charged contestants to be on the Bachelor and also one of the most controversial. I can't tell if she is the most intelligent of the girls or easily the most ignorant. She seems to have a firm grasp on Nick's heart, and quite possibly another unmentionable body part. Although, her relationship with Nick is most likely to crash and burn with all the hate she is receiving from the other girls. I hope her nanny, Raquel, has made her bed and cut her cucumber sandwiches because I can't imagine Corrine will last much longer.

Danielle L: Voted most likely to... Actually be a 15-year-old trapped in A 27-year-old's body.

I can't quite pinpoint what it is about Danielle L. that makes me think her favorite hobbies include finger painting and listening to Kidz Bop 34. Maybe it's her youthful schoolgirl laugh (that seemed to never stop throughout last week's episode), or maybe it's the fact that she has not one, but two, butterfly tattoos. She listed her favorite movies as The Notebook and A Walk to Remember (SNOOZE), and shamelessly admitted to listening to the Glee Soundtracks. I want so badly to love Danielle L. but her blatant honesty is giving me flashbacks to middle school, and I'm just not okay with that.

Danielle M: Voted most likely to... Be too good for Nick.

In a crowd of women who are twenty-something and barely exceed 5'5", Danielle M. surpasses them all at 5'10" and 31 years old. She has laid low and still managed to shine brighter than most of the other girls. Danielle is a neonatal nurse from Nashville, Tennessee, who admires Hermione from Harry Potter, and is host to an unfortunate back story that will practically leave you heartbroken -- her fiance died five years ago of a drug overdose. She is certainly too good to be true, and if you ask me, too good for Nick, which probably means he'll let her go and regret his decision a mere 10 minutes later.

Jaimi: Voted most likely to... Bench press more than Nick.

Jaimi is a 28-year-old Chef from New Orleans, who might also be the toughest women to ever successfully make it past week 3 of the Bachelor. She has a heart-shaped grenade tattooed on her lower abdomen, follows a very strict Pesco-pollo-lacto-ovo-paro-tarian diet, whatever that means, and says to impress her date she would simply bench press him with her legs. Jaimi, if you can bench press Nick while also surviving the next rose ceremony, you will officially be my favorite person ever.

Jasmine G: Voted most likely to... Be your long lost best friend.

Jasmine is easily one of the most relatable and likable contestants this season. She formulated a dead-or-alive lunch that I'd actually be jealous of: RuPaul, Dave Chappelle, and Prince, has an inner lip tattoo, and lists Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead as her favorite movie. She is a professional basketball dancer and has some mad respect for her mom, who I'm sure is just as cool as she is. If I were living in the house we'd not only be bunk buddies, but she'd have no choice but to become my new best friend.

Josephine: Voted most likely to... Actually be Vienna Girardi in the flesh.

Josephine bears an uncanny resemblance to Vienna from Jake Pavelka's Season 14 of the Bachelor. The more I look at her the more cringe-worthy she gets. I am almost positive Josephine is either Vienna's distant cousin, if not Vienna herself (post cosmetic surgery). If Josephine is anything like Vienna, then we can expect a mega-meltdown in the foreseeable future and a gory battle for Nick's time and attention. (See photo for reference)

Kristina: Voted most likely to... Throw shade.

Kristina is the shadiest dental hygienist there every was. She's a 24-year-old from Lexington, KY, who has no problem being completely and totally honest whenever she feels necessary. She said if possible, the person she'd be for a day is " My biological mother. I'd like to know what she was going through when I was young and if choosing alcohol over kids was worth it." All right, Kristina, we see you. She also claimed her favorite clothes designer is none other than herself. Shocked? I didn't think so. She basically just threw shade to every successful and capable designer in the business. Girl, we all know you weren't wearing a Kristina Schulman original on night one, so please, give credit where credit is due.

Rachel: Voted most likely to... Be better than everybody at everything.

Rachel is no stranger to success. She is an attorney from Dallas, TX, who shares our love for Michelle Obama, and claims her biggest regret is "Focusing too much on my career." We knew there had to be a reason Nick chose to give Rachel the first impression rose, and now we know why he's continuing to keep her around. She is incredibly intellectual, articulate, and driven, so come on Nick, don't let this one slip through your fingertips.

Raven: Voted most likely to... Win it all.

In the beginning, I didn't see much potential in Raven but as the weeks have progressed I've seen her become approachable and endearing. At only 25 years old she owns a fashion boutique and has experienced heartbreak--she caught her boyfriend cheating on her with his coworker. I think Raven's sweet southern accent, doe-eyed look, and genuine personality has made it hard for Nick to compartmentalize his feelings about the remaining contestants. I see their relationship growing at a rapid speed and I won't at all be surprised if Raven takes home the last rose and a shiny new rock on her finger.

Sarah: Voted most likely to... Never say anything witty.

She is almost as basic as they come, unfortunately. Many of her answers were predictably cliche and required me to refrain from rolling my eyes. If she could be any animal she'd choose to be, "A puppy! or, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird, right?" because that isn't the worst answer you could possibly give. She says if she wanted to approach a man she'd never met before she would, "Find something witty to say," which for some reason seems to be unbelievable. She also said the most romantic present she has received was, "A star named after me, just like in A Walk to Remember because I hadn't told him I liked that, he came up with it." Sarah, please refrain from using Nicholas Sparks as your point of reference the next time you decide to audition for a television show. We'd all appreciate it.

Taylor: Voted most likely to... Give you a black eye.

Taylor is a 23-year-old Mental Health Counselor from Seattle, WA, who'd simply "look bomb" if she needed to impress a man. We get it, Taylor, you're incredibly confident and successful. This girl has 0 F's to give and from the look of it would have no problem putting fist to face if she really felt it was necessary.

Vanessa: Voted most likely to... Be the next Bachelorette.

Since night one Vanessa has impressed both Nick and America. She is poised, intellectual, and obviously beautiful. Although, she has chosen to continuously voice her opinion about Nick's relationship with Corinne, which we all know has never worked out for ANY contestant. It's best to keep your opinions to yourself and focus on your own relationship with the Bachelor. Vanessa is headstrong, opinionated, and at times demanding. Her appeal is evident, which is why I think she'll make it far but in the end, she'll fail to win Nick's heart. I don't doubt for a second if she doesn't make it to the end that she won't be our next Bachelorette. Good luck girl!

Whitney: Voted most likely to... Be forgotten.

Whitney is no doubt going to be the girl on After the Final Rose who you look at for 20 minutes and still can't pinpoint exactly who she is or how she impacted the show. She is a 25-year-old pilates instructor, which I guess explains her docile personality. She says she doesn't live life with regret, but I feel like her biggest regret has yet to come, which is being quieter than a church mouse during her time on the show. Yes, Whitney you actually have to make an impression if you want to receive Nick's final rose. Speak up or forever hold your peace.

Cover Image Credit: Decider

Popular Right Now

To The Girl Struggling With Her Body Image

It's not about the size of your jeans, but the size of your heart, soul, and spirit.

709905
views

To the girl struggling with her body image,

You are more than the number on the scale. You are more than the number on your jeans and dresses. You are way more than the number of pounds you've gained or lost in whatever amount of time.

Weight is defined as the quantity of matter contained by a body or object. Weight does not define your self-worth, ambition or potential.

So many girls strive for validation through the various numbers associated with body image and it's really so sad seeing such beautiful, incredible women become discouraged over a few numbers that don't measure anything of true significance.

Yes, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it is important to take care of yourself. However, taking care of yourself includes your mental health as well. Neglecting either your mental or physical health will inflict problems on the other. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that you're too heavy or too thin, which results in you possibly mistreating your body in some way.

Your body is your special, beautiful temple. It harbors all of your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, and ideas. Without it, you wouldn't be you. If you so wish to change it in a healthy way, then, by all means, go ahead. With that being said, don't make changes to impress or please someone else. You are the only person who is in charge of your body. No one else has the right to tell you whether or not your body is good enough. If you don't satisfy their standards, then you don't need that sort of negative influence in your life. That sort of manipulation and control is extremely unhealthy in its own regard.

Do not hold back on things you love or want to do because of how you interpret your body. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are more than your exterior. You are your inner being, your spirit. A smile and confidence are the most beautiful things you can wear.

It's not about the size of your jeans. It's about the size of your mind and heart. Embrace your body, observe and adore every curve, bone and stretch mark. Wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Do your hair and makeup (or don't do either) to your heart's desire. Wear the crop top you've been eyeing up in that store window. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body, simple.

So, as hard as it may seem sometimes, understand that the number on the scale doesn't measure the amount or significance of your contributions to this world. Just because that dress doesn't fit you like you had hoped doesn't mean that you're any less of a person.

Love your body, and your body will love you right back.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Margliotti

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

What The 2019 'Season Of The Crab' Means For Your Zodiac Sign

It could be a super emotional month for everyone.

248
views

It's officially summer, and that means it's time to dive into the watery depths of Cancer season on June 21. There is a different energy in the air; different from the vibe in Gemini season. Each sign can expect to notice its effects, whether they are obvious or more subtle.

Cancer season means you're probably going to feel more moody than usual. Maybe you're crying more often. Maybe you'll feel more dreamy and intuitive. Maybe you'll be more irritable. Whatever the case, it never hurts to know what you're about to get yourself into.

So what does Cancer season mean for you, based on your zodiac sign?

1. Cancer - 21 Jun to 22 Jul

@rebeccahmac_

Happy solar return, cutie crustacean!

This is one of the dreamiest times of the entire year for you, but lacking structure and planning could prove stressful. You're in an imaginative zone and you may not feel like settling down before chasing the stars, but you must think ahead so things will work out.

2. Leo - 23 Jul to 22 Aug

@lolasuxs

Cancer season will find you exploring who you want to become, and what you want to leave behind. With your season just around the corner, this is also a magical time for healing and exploring yourself. Journaling, creative pursuits, or talking things through are wonderful ways to nourish your soul.

3. Virgo - 23 Aug to 22 Sep

@nahomi.17

This Cancer season, you'll find that the stars and the moon are asking you to rest. You will be faced with many choices and decisions this month. Enjoy your time fostering whatever creativity comes to mind. Do not force yourself to go out if you're not feeling up to it. It's okay to be you and be alone sometimes.

4. Libra - 23 Sep to 22 Oct

@tiiffahh

Cancer season and Neptune retrograde begin on June 21, causing you to need to pause and reflect on your goals. Change can be uncomfortable, but every small shift brings us closer to our goals. Be willing to take a risk, and let the universe push you in the direction of happiness and adventure.

5. Scorpio - 23 Oct to 21 Nov

@jordansavannah_r

Cancer season finds you traveling and opening new doors of opportunity. Are you really gaining anything by holding onto the past so tightly, Scorpio? Set your sights on new dreams, and leave all those people and situations that are holding you back in your rearview mirror.

6. Sagittarius - 22 Nov to 21 Dec

@zelzhcabbage

The question Cancer season asks you now, Sag, is whether you'll run away from your past, cling on to it, or do the emotional work necessary to process it and let it go. Appreciate the memories you are making and try not to get too wrapped up in the little things that annoy you. This is a time for experimentation.

7. Capricorn - 22 Dec to 19 Jan

@xxadriiana

You love your deadlines and goals, but remember that taking care of your emotional health will ultimately help you be more efficient! Trust your intuition, take it slow, and use the energy for play and creativity rather than detailed planning.

8. Aquarius - 20 Jan to 19 Feb

@yeeshibee

Cancer season this year is all about being comfortable and doing what you know, so go ahead and stick to that. This is also a great time for you to check in with yourself when it comes to wellness and your habits.

9. Pisces - 20 Feb to 20 Mar

@stephdangle

This Cancer season, the heightened emotion that is in the air will bring you natural happiness. Go out, have a wonderful night under the summer stars, and use your experiences for inspiration. It will reinvigorate your soul to be more creative and more adventurous.

10. Aries - 21 Mar to 19 Apr

@marilang_

Cancer season finds you focused squarely on your personal life. It's a wonderful time for an adventure. Go on that hike. Wake up early and drive to the beach. You'll feel an inclination to do it all-- and you can! Remind yourself that you are capable.

It will be hard to stay focused because the vibe just feels so good, but Neptune's retrograde brings intriguing messages to your dreams, so pay close attention to your inner voice at this time.

11. Taurus - 20 Apr to 20 May

@belendenike

Cancer season causes emotions to be even more extreme so you'll probably reach your breaking point this month, Taurus, but you are never alone in the problems that you face. Remember to control your temper long enough to cool off and take some relaxation for yourself.

Take a day off and drive around with the windows down. Take five days off and drive to the beach to hang out and reflect. Whatever it is that you need to feel better, it is time to do it this month.

12. Gemini - 21 May to 20 Jun

@nicolenaone

Cancer is a sign that's all about security and protection, and you're really feeling those vibes right now. Your confidence is running high, as you are feeling more in control of your life. Get rid of the elements in your life that won't propel you forward.

Just as the moon and ocean cycle, so do we. Cancer is that strong energy that gets you up in your feels; it's sure to be a ride.

Related Content

Facebook Comments