Dear freshman year,

I'm not really sure what to say about you. My feelings toward you are in such a shamble at times that, I'm not certain if you're the best thing to ever happen to me, or if I wish you had never existed.

In all honesty, when I think of you, I can hear the lyrics to the GNASH song "I Hate U I Love U." I hate you and I love you all at the same time.

My feelings toward you are comparable to my feelings toward a nice chocolate doughnut with sprinkles. Prior to moving into college, you sounded absolutely delightful. The sweet aroma springing from you wafted through the air, traveled over an hour, and knocked upon the door of my childhood home. As my old high school self counted down the months to finally meet you, your candy-like scent was such a promising treat for my hopeful, young soul. I couldn't wait to finally escape the hold of my hometown and sink my teeth into your glorious, enamel decaying perfection.

Yet, after arriving on campus and devouring you in all of your glory, I realized you were nothing I had presumed you to be.That hole in the middle of your circular, breaded body felt far more prominent and questionable than ever before. Your sweet scent quickly vanished as the aroma of fear mixed with tones of confusion, musty dorm room, and a hint of that new-car smell appeared and overpowered you. Your chocolatey goodness was far surpassed, at times, by the regret I normally feel after eating a dozen of those sprinkled, sugary creations.

As the months passed and my stomach ached from your candy-like bloat, I started to examine that hole in the middle of your body. It felt gaping. I began to wonder if anything in this giant university could ever fill the hole with as much love and comfort that my childhood home once did.

But, as every lovely stomach ache does, the pain subsided and I began to long for your decadent chocolate flavor, once more. I began to explore everything this campus has to offer. I joined things, I quit things, but more importantly, I learned how to take that gaping hole and fill it with things that made this new and scary place feel like home.

I'm not sure if this letter to you is just a giant jab at the freshman fifteen or a genuine, awkward ode to you, but there is one thing I know for sure: Freshman year, you have taught me more about myself than any other year of my life has. That hole you left in me forced me to grow. You were a huge series of trial and error, but you made me appreciate the trials and learn from the errors. Although you made my stomach ache at times, I will forever be grateful for you.

Thank you, freshman year. I couldn't have made this transition without you.

Sincerely,

A wiser, sweet-tooth embracing Freshman