awkward interactions
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

7 Ways To Make Literally Any Conversation More Awkward Than It Already Was

Need some help getting the conversation rolling? Because this is not it.

92
7 Ways To Make Literally Any Conversation More Awkward Than It Already Was
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKpQgEyjNdM

. . .

Well, that was awkward.

Talking with the human species is one of the many basic requirements of being, well, a member of said species. Some conversations can be productive, like directions to the nearest Subway. Some can be irritating, like trying to figure out a good time to meet for a group project.

Some, however, can be just downright weird. Whether the weirdness is on a first Tinder date, from a prolonged Midwestern goodbye, or by overhearing a very public breakup, people and their words can inspire a feeling that only the stereotypical nails-on-a-chalkboard sound can capture.

I've been working in retail for the past seven years, so the average duck would think, "Wow, she must have that whole customer service voice down pat. I bet she can small talk with a horse, she's so good at it."

Well, the average duck would be incredibly wrong.

I'm TERRIBLE at speaking to random people candidly. Sure, my loved ones think I'm endearing and tell a good joke every once and a while. Yeah, I can discuss the snot out of a novel to my English Lit professor. I can debate educational theory like an undergraduate that knows just enough to sound convincing.

Talking to a customer about literally anything? Forget it.

I don't know if it's the fact that I work the night shift and everyone's just a little too tired (especially me) to make a decent conversation or if it's literally just me and my weird self, but I have a particular knack in making even the most mundane conversations seem as pleasant as hearing a loud, drawn-out fart in a quiet exam hall.

So, if this seems like the type of skill you'd like to implement, here are seven tips to do so. I'm speaking from my experience in retail, but since awkwardness is fairly universal, I see no reason you can't rock these in your daily life.

1. Say just a little too much

Giphy

I'll admit, I'm a pretty long-winded individual. I'm not one to hit people with a one-word response. In fact, I generally have a 10-word minimum.

So, when people come up to the shop and ask me, "How's your day going?" I'm not going to hit them with a simple "Fine." No, odds are I'm going to say something like, "It's going alright. I'm a little tired, but I think it's because I stayed up last night writing a paper. At least I got it done, though. It was kind of a close call there at the end, because my computer died right when I was. . ."

The conversation continues, with me accidentally babbling and the customer trying to politely inch away from my endless tirade.

2. Say just a little too little

Giphy

Sometimes I get a customer who actually wants to have a conversation. They'll come up and ask something like, "Are you here alone?" or "Do you work every night?" which are both super good introductions into a perfectly good customer-barista exchange.

Then I ruin it with either a short "Yup" or just nodding, thoroughly killing any future conversation opportunities.

It's not their fault. I'm just a derp.

3. Use super obscure slang

Giphy

Which brings me to my next point. Weird words and phrases will come out of my mouth and they're either misinterpreted or missed altogether.

I once said "Alrighty dighty" to a customer, a weird rhyme-thing I say throughout my own life, and the horrified customer thought I called him "daddy."

Trust me, the five embarrassing minutes it took to explain that I'm just weird, not trying to slide into his DM's was awkward for both parties.

4. Comment of their life decisions

Giphy

Look, I'm typically not a judgmental person. I'm in college too, so if someone comes up to the shop and orders a latte with five extra espresso shots, I'm making that drink with extra love and sympathy.

That being written, I'm terrible at making random comments about orders that make people feel weird about their purchases. I don't do it all the time, but when I do, it's pretty bad. I once told someone that a Clif Bar was good for his colon because of the fiber.

Yes. That is indeed a true story.

5. Fail quite spectacularly at reading the room

Giphy

I typically have a high-output happiness level. Combine that with the fact that I'm in retail mode at work, and you have one happy Marisa running around.

Some customers, then, will come up, dragging their feet and looking very dejected at the thought of spending yet another night at the library, and I'll greet them with a highly unwanted "Hi! What can I getcha!?"

6. Sprinkle in some song and dance

Giphy

Okay. I close alone. I get bored. When I'm bored, I'll start singing and dancing like I'm in "Barista: The Musical." I've been surprised by many a people who've witnessed me making up my own line dance to some random Italian song.

I don't know what it's like to experience it from the other side of the counter, but I'm sure it's quite awkward.

7. Add in lots of noises

Giphy

Sometimes, especially when I haven't had another customer in a hot minute, I forget how to use the English language. So, when someone comes up and says the inevitable, "Hi, I'd like a Rock Chalk latte," I might respond with the incredibly eloquent, "Rock 'n roll, and what shize ish . . . I mean, what size didcha, did you, medium?"

Then I cap it off with a hysterical laugh and try the sentence again, ignoring my customer's wide eyes and slow nod.

If you've ever suffered from one of the above at my hands, just know that I adore you and that it's not because I mean to. I'm just awkward.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

'Hotel Transylvania: Transformania' Film Review

Solid animation can't raise the newest entry in Sony's colorful monster series beyond the basics

54174
'Hotel Transylvania: Transformania' Film Review
Photo Credit: Amazon Prime Video – YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6suJohjIvfo

I take a slight issue with the idea that Adam Sandler didn’t have a good dramatic role until ‘Uncut Gems,’ what about ‘Hotel Transylvania’ (he says semi-seriously)?’

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

4 Common Reasons Couples Get Divorced

Are some people just not meant to be together? Is there any way to prevent an impending divorce?

82922
4 Common Reasons Couples Get Divorced

We've all heard the statistics. Roughly 50% of married couples eventually end up divorced. This can lead to complications, problems with your children, financial issues, and no small amount of negative emotions.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

​Pets are Good for the Soul

Millions of Americans have found comfort in pet ownership. The media has been awash with stories about a surge in pet ownership, as Americans have taken advantage of the ability of pets to improve emotional well-being.

79364
Good for the Soul
Pets are Good for the Soul

America is going through a mental health crisis. This crisis predates the global pandemic, but has in many ways been dramatically exacerbated by it. In 2019, 19.86% of adults, or 50 million Americans, reported suffering from a mental illness. The emotional toll of the pandemic has been heavy, with over half of U.S. adults saying that they have experienced stress and worry related to Covid-19. Anxieties over work, uncertainty about the future and other triggers have intensified the mental health crisis. Millions of Americans have found comfort in pet ownership. The media has been awash with stories about a surge in pet ownership, as Americans have taken advantage of the ability of pets to improve emotional well-being.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How Your Sleep Position Affects Your Health?

You changed into your pajamas, turn off the lights, and get yourself ready to sleep. How do you prefer to sleep, on the back, on your side, or on your tummy? Although there’s no scientific result that sleeping position affects your back, here are some interesting facts that have been discovered.

183433
Sleep Position

You changed into your pajamas, turn off the lights, and get yourself ready to sleep. How do you prefer to sleep, on the back, on your side, or on your tummy? Although there’s no scientific result that sleeping position affects your back, here are some interesting facts that have been discovered.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How to Throw the Ultimate Winter Bash

As the year starts to come to an end, make sure you find the time to have some fun as well.

124736
Ultimate Winter Bash

As the year starts to come to an end, make sure you find the time to have some fun as well.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments