Dear individuals,

I just want to start out and apologize. I'm sorry for my actions, all of them. If you'll allow me, I'll explain them, if I even can.

My usual day consists of class from around 10 am to around 6 pm, depending on the day. I have marching band rehearsal every other day and at least two meetings a week for my scholarship hall (where I'm president).

I work every night from 7 pm to 11:30 pm, after which I go home and do homework until 3 am. I get around five hours of sleep a night and then repeat the above process again the next day.

This, unfortunately, is the state I'm in when you all have to deal with me. Sleep-deprived, anxiety-ridden, stressed about homework, hyper-caffeinated, fake-it-'til-you-make-it me.

So, will I...

make stupid jokes that somehow surpass the terrible-ness level of dad jokes (Example, You: "Can I have a cup of coffee?" Me: "We're actually out of cups and coffee." You, clearly seeing the cups and the coffee behind me: "..." Me: "Just kidding, sure.")?

say words and sentences that aren't actually compatible with the English language, though I'm a Junior majoring in English (Example, You: "How are you doing tonight?" Me: "Well, the duck is in the pond and fwapping around, ya know?" You: "...")?

laugh at the prices if they're slightly suggestive, even though it's 10:30 pm, and you just want your coffee (Example, You: "Can I have a small latte with hazelnut?" Me: "Yeah, that'll be $4.20." *Giggles and takes your money* You: "Oh, can I also get a Kit-Kat and a blue book?" Me: "Sure, that'll be $1.69." *Giggles again*)

make awkward and likely inappropriate comments about your purchase (Example. You: "Can I get a Clif Bar and a Special K Protein Bar?" Me: "Wow, that's a lot of fiber." You: "...Yeah..." Me: "Well, fiber is good for your colon, so good job." You: "...")?

sing and dance super weird-like while making your latte (Example, You: "Can I get a mocha?" Me: "Absolutely" *Does a quick spin back to the espresso machine* "I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN!")?

Yes. Yes, I will. It may not be every time, but it will happen. I am very, truly sorry for my behavior in a way that I will apologize and not change my behavior.

Because, though I do all the above on an embarrassingly frequent basis, I also will...

make your drink quickly and perfectly 9.9 times out of 10.

smile throughout our interaction, no matter how tired and stressed we both are.

remember your order if you're a regular because I care enough about you to remember your double shot and small white mocha with no whip cream (you know who you are).

ask you about your day, especially if you're ordering a large of anything.

hopefully, make you smile with my ridiculousness.

I really do love my job and sincerely care about your well-being and coffee consumption.

So, feel free to laugh at me and tell your friends about your awkward encounter with me, just as long as you remember this.

See you tonight, my loves.

Sincerely,
Your Night Barista