To whom it may concern,
Greetings from the Land of Hot, or as the natives call it, Arizona. Upon taking an excursion out to this strange and wonderful land, I have found that there are a few things that one begins to take for granted about our home world. Before I begin, let me say that this list is by no means exhaustive, as there are probably thousands of wonderful things about Ohio that I miss and thus do not have room to explicate about, and if I do happen to miss something unforgivably important feel free to tell me in person, or to yell at me over the internet about how wrong I am.
1. "Don't like the weather? Give it five minutes, It'll change."
This little saying probably began as a joke but is actually spot on, often to the bane of Ohioans' (and by extension the residents of other Midwestern states as well) existence. I have friends who keep an umbrella and a winter jacket in the back of their cars "just in case," in the middle of summer. I arrived on the hottest day of the year here, and everybody was talking about how hot it was at 122 degrees. The next few days, it went down by maybe 5 degrees at max, and everyone went about their business as usual. It was 115, and people were talking about how cool it was. I miss variable weather, I miss rain and muggy days where everything is just the worst, and dry heat the next week before an almost flooding, I guess I just miss being able to wait five minutes for the weather to change.
2. The Food.
While there are unique flavors in every place, nothing ever really matches that of home. It's been only a week since I had Cane's chicken, or Theo's or Late Night Slice, and yet it would seem a millennium since I've tasted their delicious offerings. Now don't get me wrong, the Phoenix area has a good food scene, from what I've seen of my first week here, but there is something about the cuisine back home that just hits the spot just right.
3. The Lack of U-Turns.
I don't know if anyone reading this has ever experienced driving down a desert highway at night and seeing someone pull an (admittedly not that risky) U-turn in the middle of the highway, but it's freaky to say the least. Perhaps it's a bit freeing when you learn to do it yourself, but it's still absolutely terrifying the first (and OK, third) time you watch it happen. In our little backwater state of Ohio, we have rules against such things and so, never having driven on any non-Ohio streets for an extended period time, I was understandably shocked and surprised.
So that's it, mon ami, my first rant coming straight at you from the Land Of Hot. More to come from this beautiful State in the future, and in the meantime?
Stay in Ohio, friends.
Sincerely,
The Burning Up Man
