Just as the dance music community thought nothing could bring us down our after the return of Swedish House Mafia, we were dragged back down to Earth from our cloud-nine-feeling.
One of the most famous DJs leading this new generation of EDM was found dead while vacationing in Oman. Tim Bergling, who was mostly known as “Avicii” — especially when he was at the helm of a sea of his screaming fans — reportedly ended his own life on April 20 at the age of 28.
Instagram, Twitter and Facebook immediately began filling up with speculation and loving messages from other DJs and fans, once the news broke that Bergling had passed away.
At first, friends and fans could only speculate details of Bergling’s death, but as the days progressed — and the family had a moment to privately process this tragedy — details that were released alluded to suicide as the cause of death.
More recently, Tim Bergling’s suicide supposedly involved self-inflicted cuts from the glass of a broken wine bottle.
Hearing about what happened to an artist I admired and respected — and who had been a huge influence on my love for EDM and the dance music culture as a whole — initially left me shocked.
Fame and money had zero effect on Bergling’s passion for his music and, despite his success, he was so immensely humble that he expressed feeling uncomfortable when fans addressed him as “Avicii” and not simply, “Tim.”
Hindsight is 20/20, but I do not think we could have predicted this kind of ending, even with Bergling’s reported health issues that caused him to cancel shows, and ultimately retire. I was bummed because I had the chance to finally see Avicii, live, at TomorrowWorld in 2014, but he had to cancel last minute due to “health reasons.”
I told myself I would have to catch Avicii on one of his later tours.
I intended to write this article to discuss the sadness and heartbreak fans and loved ones probably feel, maybe talk about the aftermath of suicide and probably share the warning signs so that we can help prevent another life lost.
Those topics are absolutely important to discuss, but we have heard every known and studied fact about suicide (so far), we have watched as a celebrity’s most private thoughts were revealed in one fatal display of suffering and we mourned a life we personally did not know that well.
Researchers study the brain and mental illnesses in science, but it is a complex science made up of mainly hypotheses, and few answers — essentially because you have many brains (scientists) who are making guesses at how brains (in general) function; and why some brains function in one way over other brains that function differently (i.e. mental stability vs mental illnesses).
I studied many forms of psychology and sociology in school, I have studied counseling in specialized fields and I independently love to learn as much as I can about the brain. After hearing the same information about the effects of suicide, I think maybe we need to (somewhat) push the science and trivializing aside, and not turn the life of a person into a puzzle.
The cycle of grief we experience after any news of suicide, whether it is a public figure we admire or a loved one that is close to us, becomes a cycle for a reason. We are so convinced that we need to have an answer and that there is a specific window of time to grieve before we appear “weak.” That attitude only makes people fill up the empty space left behind with resentment and the inability to identify what that experience made you feel.
We will never, I repeat, never, know the exact reasons why a person decides ending their own life is the only option.
Micro-analyzing every past detail, conversation and behavior does absolutely nothing to make us understand the present situation. I know it seems that piecing the puzzle together may offer closure and some kind of relief, but you will still feel the emptiness that a significant loss leaves behind.
Honestly, I think that we need that empty feeling that makes us experience emotions we are uncomfortable with. That is the message from yourself to take a moment to be silent and just feel. I don’t see what the point is in figuring out the questions that never had answers to begin with, but I see the importance of letting yourself feel because those emotions — as uncomfortable as they are — are very real.
The grief, anger, pain, guilt and betrayal that can take over after the loss of someone important in your life are trying to tell you that you need to stop searching for answers, listen to these emotions and process them. By listening, you are not filling the void with unnecessary information that will not make you feel any better.
After experiencing my own significant losses, I thought I needed answers. What I really needed was the time and space to figure out what I was feeling and why I was so deeply rattled by these issues, because regardless of the reasoning, these people are still gone.
The emotional void I feel after a loss is not somehow magically filled, and then I am suddenly happy and whole again, but I have found that facing those emotions head on works for me. That empty feeling has transformed from a dark, dangerous pit into a welcomed calmness.
Have you felt relieved and content after deep cleaning your closet, and purging all of the clothes that you have not worn in years, and most likely don’t even fit?
That is how I feel when I acknowledge the permanent void left in me after losing significant people — whether it is a favorite artist or someone I knew well.
Decluttering your life opens up your attention to focus more on the things you already have. The same idea goes for emotional decluttering; recognize the blank spaces and do not immediately start filling them in, just focus on what already exists.
I know that Bergling made beautiful and inspiring music and I will always turn his songs up louder and sing along.
I know that his loved ones are feeling an onslaught of painful emotions and that they do not owe us any explanations.
And, I think those are the only details I need to know right now because anything else after that will not bring Avicii back.
