Dear men of Tinder,

Some of you are real gems, but some of you make me want to give up on the good in the world. For this reason, I've decided to put together a list of my advice to you.


1. On pick-up lines

Oh, honey. Please no. Please please no. I appreciate a creative pickup line, but I am not about to try to take you seriously if you say something along the lines of, "hey, do you want to watch porn in my flat screen mirror?" The best pickup line I ever got was "Hi, how are you doing? I'd love to hear about your day when you get a chance!" Friendliness is sexy. Being a weirdo is not.

2. On nudes

If you ever find yourself thinking, "I think this is a good idea. Sending nudes is great," then just know that you are wrong and there should be none of that nonsense. Besides, it's much more fun in person. Don't spoil the surprise if you somehow make it that far. The only acceptable time for this is when you're asked for them, which you probably won't be.

3. On attitude

Just be nice. That's all. Ask how my day went or why I chose the major I did, and then let me find out more about you because the chances are a lot higher of me wanting to pursue you if I think you actually care about more than what your penis wants.

4. On bios

Guys, what you put in your bio is seriously important. It is imperative that you show off your personality with this. It's your final opportunity to impress a girl before she decides whether or not she's swiping right. Do not take this responsibility lightly. I really don't care how tall you are because your pictures can kind of show that. I do care what your interests are and what you're doing with your life. It makes it easier for me to talk to you! I will also not add you on Snapchat if you put it in your bio because I do not need my notifications blowing up with awkward pictures of your body. Have a little respect.

5. On Pictures

No fish. I don't care about your damn fish. How about a nice picture of you and your siblings, or of you and your best friend (specify which one is you or I will assume you're the less attractive of the two), or of just you doing your favorite activity. Those candids of you in some obscure place that your mom took on vacation: YES. Just keep it casual and make the pictures show your personality. P.S. If the picture is just your abs, it's an automatic left swipe from this girl.

Happy swiping!

*Insert Dora joke here*