When an argument is made that someone has “high standards” it can be taken in a couple different directions. To some, there is nothing wrong with having high standards, but for others such an idea makes the described person instantly pretentious, deemed a snob for disregarding any options below their desired standard. I disagree with this notion. It is my belief that having standards is a good thing for everyone, and no one should be put down for knowing what they want.
I would like to try to give a broader picture of what is going on here so it may be seen that having standards, even if they are considered “high,” is not necessarily a bad thing. As a society today, we set standards for almost all aspects of our lives. When raising children, certain behavioral and educational standards are set. When inspecting a vehicle, certain standards need to be met in order for that vehicle to pass. Even when buying food at the store, the products must meet a certain level of acceptability in order for us to buy them.
I propose that the essential difference between the setting of everyday standards and the setting of standards in relationships is that the latter involves people. It is OK to disregard the malfunctioning vehicle and demand it be repaired to meet your standards, but it seems less proper to disregard a person because they do not fit what you are looking for. This is the way that this situation is often viewed, but it does not need to be so. When we set standards for our vehicles or for the food that we buy at the store, we are determining what will work best for us in our lives. This is all we are doing when we set standards for relationships. It seems logical that we would look for the person who would most likely work the best in our lives.
I know a lot of people, myself included, who are attracted to ambition. For me, this is not simply about being with someone who is successful. This is about being with someone who wants to do everything and everything they can to make sure they have what they want in their life. This is what I want for my life, and so I want to find someone who thinks about things in the same way that I do. This is what works for me, and I don’t feel like I should seek anything but what I feel will have the best result for my life in the end.
I acknowledge the fact that there are people who set standards for the wrong reasons. These people are unfortunately a part of “the truth” about the high standards discussed in this piece. The point that I am trying to make, though, is that there are people who are not trying to be pretentious, people who simply want to find the person who will make the most sense in their life. This is not a call to forgive all those who abuse standard setting in relationships, but it is a call to think twice about placing judgement on those who know what they want.
