When your college roommate hangs a cross up on the wall of your dorm room, smile and tell her it’s OK because you know she deserves to practice her religion as she wishes. Don’t, however, tell her that you don’t believe in God when she offers to pray for you. She only means the best.
When prayers are said at school events by the college chaplain, bow your head and stare at your shoes. Memorize how many spots of dirt there are and track the changes as the months continue. Consider writing a poem about how much the dirt stains have increased. Don’t.
When your romantic partner says they don’t believe in evolution because that is not how God created the world, consider breaking up with them. Ask yourself if they will ever be happy being with someone who doesn’t believe what they do. Ask yourself if you will ever be happy with someone who doesn’t believe what you do. Do not ask them if they believe in dinosaurs. It will only cause a fight.
When you make a Tinder, make sure to include atheist in your bio. Think back to your last breakup over the existence of evolution if you are considering swiping right to someone who mentions God in their bio. If you match with them, use your favorite dinosaur-related pickup line: If you were a dinosaur, you would be a finosaurus. Blame their unmatching you on your bad pickup lines, not on your lack of religious foundation.
When sharing articles about religion on Facebook, stop and ask yourself if you’re ready for a keyboard argument. Debate with yourself for at least 10 minutes. Don’t share the article.
When you attend your campus club fair, look for an atheist club in the faith based organization section. Notice there isn’t one. Join something else instead, something that will look good on your resume.
When you register for courses, look over the religious studies classes offered. Sign up for Introduction to Hebrew Scriptures. Try to understand. Fail. Fall in love with the poetry of Psalms instead. Minor in religious studies.
When you have dinner with your dad and he asks you how you’re minoring in religious studies if you don’t believe in God, smile. Tell him it’s a study of literature and culture. Tell him it's more than just believing in the Christian God. Tell him it’s the only way you can understand the world you live in. Then change the subject. Ask how his fantasy football league is going.
When your mom later suggests transferring to a college in a more liberal state, consider it. Maybe you won’t hate yourself as much there.
