In the aftermath of the massacre at the LGBTQIA Orlando nightclub, Pulse on June 12, members and allies of the community are left reeling over the dozens of deaths and injuries sustained that evening. While Congress is divided (as per usual) over introducing new and radical gun control legislation, even a lifelong NRA member could agree that one of the reasons another deplorable but not so shocking mass shooting occurred is the relatively lax laws that sanction gun ownership in the U.S.

The more pressing reason, however, that led to the gruesome events at Pulse is that our country’s history with violent manifestations of hate appears to be long from over. Although I consider myself to be deeply committed to the human rights of any person and by extension, a genuine ally to the LGBTQIA community, as I welled up listening to Anderson Cooper (the openly gay and deeply talented anchor from CNN) read out each victim’s name, I thought about how my feelings must pale in comparison to his. What does it feel like to have your community brutalized and murdered, especially in a space that was deemed safe and open specifically for that community?

The best place to start in a crisis situation is to uplift the voices of those affected, so in the days since the tragedy, I’ve reached out to LGBTQIA friends and family members in an effort to better understand not only what needs to done to eradicate the prevalence of homophobia in the U.S., but also what this hate crime and the response to it feels like for them.

Mitchell DeGrauwe and I attended high school together, and our senior year, he came out. After graduation, he served in the U.S. Navy as a hospital corpsman. Just knowing these rudimentary facts about Mitchell, he was someone that I had already decided was hugely courageous, but after talking to him about Orlando, I realized that he was brave in ways that so many of us aren’t. His candor and honesty about what it means to be LGBTQIA every day, not just in the days after a tragedy, shows the level of emotional intelligence that we need to move toward a more diverse, inclusive, and safe future for all of us.

Q: What does the reluctance for some politicians to label this as a hate crime against the LGBTQIA community feel like? Do you feel like not calling it that is a dangerous tactic? If so, why?

A: It feels like we, as a community, don't matter to them… We are people, and if you don't want to accept that by acknowledging that this was a hate crime, more things like this will happen. People are always eager to blame another country, or another group when this was, in fact, a man, born and raised in America, who was homophobic and unleashed that anger on countless innocent people, both queer and straight.

Q: Recent interviews with victims and Orlando locals has revealed that the killer had actually frequented Pulse prior to June 10, and had a presence on gay dating app such as Grindr and Adam For Adam. What do you make of this?

A: To me, my instinct is to say that this was premeditated, which is obvious. But it also makes me want to believe that he was struggling with his own sexuality. There have been plenty of cases of people, especially men, who unleash their anger because they are confused about their sexuality… and are disgusted by themselves. So they take their anger against themselves, and they put it on other people. It's sad that we live in a world, where people can be so angry that they MIGHT be something other than straight that they have to murder other people.

Q: What feels like the most pressing issue: the prevalence of hate (homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, etc.) or relatively easy access to guns? Do you think that their success is dependent upon one another? If so, how?

A: They are both equally important. Hate is always around, and it always will be…We just have to try and teach acceptance, and hope it will start to become stronger than the hate around us. Now, about guns – I'm all about our constitutional right to bear arms, but we have to draw the line somewhere. Militaristic types of weapons should not be sold to the general public… and the way we can buy guns is insane. We need to regulate who can buy, just like we regulate who can drive. There comes a time when our lives matter more than our right to bear arms.

Q: Are there any measures that could be taken (outside of the entertainment industry, although it’s a great place to start) to decrease the general misrepresentation/underrepresentation of the LGBTQIA community, or will it just require time for Americans to progress on those issues?

A: I know you said outside the media, but the media is holding us back. You're starting to see more LGBTQ characters, but how many of these characters get killed off? How many of these characters are suicidal? How many of these characters are abused, or bullied? How many of these characters aren't in a relationship with another LGBTQ character because of their parents? We are more than that. We are people, we are normal, and we want to just be shown as normal. Not all of us are depressed, or bullied, or beaten, but yes, a lot of us are, and it’s because the social stigma around it. We need our politicians to keep encouraging acceptance and to start to love. We need to be something more than just the HIV community because we still cannot donate blood, even though every single donation is tested for HIV. We need families to teach them from the beginning that love is love — and hate is hate. Hate is taught, but love is felt. It is going to take time, but it shouldn't be taking this long.

Q: If you had the chance to talk to the killer out of his plot, what might you say?

A: I don't know if I would say anything. I would listen, more than talk. And I would hear what he wants to be heard. I would try and show him, how we are human too. How when he shoots us, we bleed the same blood as he does… Just show him there's nothing to be afraid of.