You know when you have a nightmare and the bad guy is right on your tail, and you're trying to scream but no sound is actually coming out of your mouth, so you feel hopeless and unsure whether you should keep trying to get away or just let the bad guy catch you? Depression is like that nightmare except in real life.
I don't remember a specific moment that it started for me, but I know that I've been dealing with depression for what seems like 457 years. It sucks. At my worst, I would resort to self harm multiple times every day, avoid hanging out with my friends, and sleep more than the average college student sleeps over winter break (crazy I know)! It was pretty bad. I felt sorry for myself and for everybody around me. I was scared to fully open up about it, and it took me a really long time to be able to comfortably talk about it to most of my friends. But anyway, enough about my sob story. Over the past few months especially, God has worked wonders, and I feel like I'm making leaps and bounds towards a life where I can be completely open about and unashamed of my experience with depression.
One of the really awesome things about God is that His love is the most unconditional love that exists. He will accept you even if you are in the worst of circumstances. In fact, God often uses the most broken and imperfect people to do huge things. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (my verse for the year) says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
If God's power is made perfect in my weakness, then what reason is there to be so scared to speak openly about my depression. If you answered with, "There is no reason," then congrats! I've realized just over the past few months that my sadness is not for nothing, and God is working through me in the midst of my experience with depression. I think that's awesome. Honestly, it's something that I would happily tell people about. In 2017, instead of feeling ashamed of my past and present depression, I hope to be as open about it in an effort to show people in similar circumstances that an awesome relationship with God is still possible.
