Howdy,

The odds are pretty high that you've never even heard of asexuality. If you haven't, I'd like to give you a very brief explanation of what asexuality is. (I covered it in a far more detailed format in a previous article.)

People who are asexual do not experience sexual attraction. Picture how you feel about a certain gender that you are not attracted to sexually. Got the feeling (or lack there of) in mind? Now picture feeling that way towards everyone.

I can understand if it's hard to grasp- I find it difficult to imagine feeling sexual attraction.

(This does not mean that asexuals don't have a libido, believe it or not. Many have average or high libidos. They just don't really care to have sex with you. Sorry, bro.)

Asexuals come in a spectrum and, as much as I would like to get into that, we don't really have the time and I have much bigger fish to fry. (Although I definitely encourage you looking into the ace spectrum either before continuing or after finishing this article.)

Recently, Equinox released a video detailing the "LGBTQAlphabet". As a supposed member of the community, many asexuals flocked to watch and were sorely disappoint in the first ten seconds of screen time.

Why, you ask?

Because 'A' stands for 'Ally'.

Imagine the twist in their guts as the video continues to roll on, apathetic towards the plights of anyone who doesn't have one of their approved sexualities or behaviors.

Imagine the anger that ignited in their hearts at some of the things that did receive a letter in the alphabet.

Imagine how it felt to read the comments afterward and be told that they didn't matter.

You're starting to get a feel of how it feels to be asexual. Basically, you don't matter because you're not weird enough and you probably don't exist anyway. Besides, it's not like anyone discriminates against you for being asexual, right?

Wrong.

Asexuals are harassed after coming out. They are interrogated, invalidated, and often assaulted for daring to be open about their own asexuality- not to mention the fact that they have to defend their own existence from some members of the LGBT community, a community that was meant to house people like them that deviated from the norm and to foster growth towards a change.

Then again, there is a separate letter for lesbian and gay- yet somehow asexuals are selfish or 'entitled' for wanting a letter of their own. (There's actually an intriguing history lesson for how the word 'lesbian' came about as a female alternative to 'gay'. To keep it short, lesbian feminists were intense.)

Now I'm going to tell you all a story.

Starting off, let's just look at this nifty cover photo they put up on their page for the video.

The problem starts with a girl...

There's a girl who's told she's broken. She doesn't feel things that other people feel. They tell her to go to the doctor. They tell her that there is something wrong with her.

They tell her she's a liar.

Then she finds a word.

To some people, that sounds stupid — more millennial snowflake nonsense meant to gain attention.

To her, it is salvation.

The word is 'asexual', but it isn't used in the same context her science teacher used in biology. It's a sexuality- 1% of the population! She thinks that she's found something that makes sense to her. After researching it, she realizes that she's not broken- she's asexual.

The girl joins a community — a simple Facebook page meant for lgbtq+ individuals that want to connect and share their experiences.

This is it, she thinks, I'll finally have a place where I can belong with others.

Sure, they're not asexual, but they're also not all bisexual or trans and they show a wonderful amount of support for them.

The first time someone tells her that 'asexuals don't belong here', she feels like she's being kicked in the chest.

But it's just one person.

The first time someone tells her that 'she's not real', she logs off for the day.

She comes out to her friends. She feels empowered.

That feeling lasts for the two seconds that it takes to meet their eyes. Her best friend is staring at her like she's a freak and he asks if she's gone to the doctor. He says plants are asexual- not people.

A stranger hits on her and she thinks about how the last guy she went on a date with called her a tease when she came out to him so she tells this guy that she's not interested.

She leads with her asexuality and he grins.

"You just haven't had real sex. I bet I can fix you."

She hadn't slapped someone before that moment. She finds it hurts her more than it hurts him.

Logging back on, she sees a video from Equinox- an LGBTQAlphabet. She doesn't feel warm or hopeful- she's scared. The last thing she needs is one more invalidation. The last thing she wants to do is to open that video.

Click.

The video begins and her heart climbs in her throat as the A appears.

A stands for ally.

She wants to shut it off and pretend it didn't happen. Instead, she keeps watching. She wants to see what did make the list.

E is for Exhibitionist.

She's not sure why. Anyone can be an exhibitionist- even aces and heteros. So why is it on the list? Why was asexuality erased when something like that was included.

H is for Heteroflexible.

Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by minimal homosexual activity in an otherwise primarily heterosexual orientation that is considered to distinguish it from bisexuality. It has been characterized as "mostly straight".

K is for Kink

Again, she is confused by the fact that something that isn't inherently LGBT is on the list.

O is for Out

That thing that she wants to be. She wants to scream from the rooftops that she is real and valid.

S is for S & M

Something associated with sexual promiscuity can make the list and yet she has no place. Maybe she is broken.

Y is for You

Except not her — not any asexuals really. There's a consolation prize in the comments.

"Again, as you know, ace/aro people can experience sexual/romantic attraction and still identify as ace/aro, that's because asexuality is a spectrum, just like gender. The thing is, ace people who are attracted to people of a different gender and are in a relationship with a person of a different gender are, strictly speaking, in a straight relationship (and have straight privilege by the way). Two, asexual people have never been victims of hate, violence, persecution and discrimination, they have never risked losing their jobs, never risked their lives for being ace/aro, never had people try to fix them by raping or convert them, never have been victims of police violence. That's what happened and still happens to LGBT people, and that's why the LGBT community exists. It's a very practical thing, it's not about "representation", it's about survival. For example, we fight for the right to marry, ace people who aren't LGBT can marry if they want. I swear, the only thing I see ace people talk about is how they are discriminated by people who don't want them to be in the LGBT community. Like, is that what your identity is all about? NO! So stop piggybacking on the LGBT struggles please, cishet ace/aro people don't have ANYTHING in common with LGBT people, Stop!"

The above is a comment taken directly from the comment section on the LGBTQAlphabet video. It was one of many that expressed a similar message towards the ace community. The context was that an ace individual complained about the ace erasure in the video.

For some reason, the lack of publicity regarding abuse against asexuals invalidates their entire existence or purpose in the community.

We make up 1% of the population- and that is only the asexuals we know of. As it becomes more public, more people are joining the community and finding themselves within its ranks.

Allies are valuable members of the community and their support is greatly appreciated, but they are not a marginalized community. They are not attacked or demeaned simply for their existence. They do not have to defend their sexuality.

In those aspects, they have nothing in common with the LGBT community, but they are still included because they ally themselves with the community.

Asexuals are erased in favor of making heteroclassics feel included.

Equinox tried to create an all-inclusive video to bolster people's pride in their sexuality, but that same video has shown thousands of asexuals that they are unacknowledged- even by the community that fights for the rights and acknowledgment of their community.

A is for Asexual