"Asexual? You mean like plants? So, you're a ficus?"
Cue the canned laughter I forced out for two years at this joke.
Just to start off, not all plants are asexual. Just ask literally any middle school student that paid a lick of attention in science class.
The umbrella of sexuality is ever-expanding, becoming more inclusive and descriptive. The LGBTQ community has made strides in creating a better society for everyone- especially those that deviate from what society deems to be 'the norm'.
One often overlooked sexuality is asexuality.
Asexual: a person who has no sexual feelings or desires.
That is the first definition that appears when someone searches the term and it already dismisses a huge part of the ace community.
The definition implies that asexuals do not possess libido. As a diverse- albeit comparatively small- community, people that fall into the 'spectrum' do not all meet that criteria.
Some asexuals, such as myself, have no sex drive at all.
For some people, even the idea that individuals exist with no sexual desire present- at least in regards to the people around them — seems incomprehensible A simply way to explain it is equating the notion of desiring sex with a partner to food.
Let's replace the notion of sex with pizza.
Asexuals see the pizza and feel no urge to eat it. They might like pizza or, perhaps, they dislike pizza altogether.
Demisexuals only feel the urge to eat the pizza when it is a particular kind that is their favorite- they are emotionally invested in this pizza. (This is a bit of a simplification on my part, please forgive me.)
Graysexuals occasionally feel an urge to eat the pizza but these urges are few and far between.
The difference between someone who falls under the ace spectrum and someone who is 'celibate' or abstains from sex is that people who are celibate are choosing not to eat the pizza. They are on a 'diet', so to speak.
The awareness of asexuality internationally has spiked recently- as shown by this graph.
Many people have adverse reactions when I tell them that I am asexual.
They believe it is a phase- a term that is thrown around every time someone claims to be something that strays from societal norms.
I'm sorry, but this isn't like that time that I wore all black and listened to Breaking Benjamin on loop.
They think that I'll find the 'right person' and magically become either heterosexual or homosexual. As if I am just a wayward, moody teenager like Edward Cullen in Twilight. I'll meet my Bella and suddenly want to be with someone and feel the urge to have those types of relationships.
They say that the 'magic appendage' will fix me. I haven't been told this one myself, but a large majority of asexuals can expect to hear this at some point. It can come from a friend, family member, or a complete stranger.
I am not some broken toy that needs to be 'bibbity bobbity boo'd' back into shape.
Another common misconception is that I don't have romantic feelings just because I have no interest in whatever someone has up their skirt.
Many asexuals do experience romantic attraction,
Aromantic asexuals do not experience romantic or sexual attraction.
Other asexuals are capable of experience romantic attraction. It falls on a similar scale to that of the sexual spectrum.
There are heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, and polyromantic asexuals — just to mention some of the more 'run of the mill' types.
"Well, I thought that asexuals would be repulsed by sex?!"
That is just another generalization. That's like saying all fish can survive in the ocean.
Some asexuals, are sex repulsed. They find sex to be outright revolting and, generally, want nothing to do with it.
On the flip side, many asexuals do not experience repulsion at all. Some even have high libidos.
"Alright, you've made some valid points. So, does be asexual mean you don't want to have children?"
With today's technology, sex isn't even necessary to procreate.
Just like every other sexuality, asexuality consists of people who do want children some day and people that don't. Being asexual does not impede one's ability to be a parent.
It all comes down to personal preference.
Asexuals make up approximately 1-2% of the globe's population. That number may seems small, but the asexual community is constantly growing as more people become comfortable with coming forward. The community is already large, but it is often dismissed- even by those that consider themselves to be a part of the LGBTQ community.
The worst part? Some web pages and communities don't even acknowledge the fact that asexuality exists.
We are real.
We exist.
This is just a small glimpse into the reality of asexuality. For more information, please visit http://www.asexualityarchive.com/.
