As my freshman year comes to an end and I look back at my empty dorm room, reset to the way it was when I walked in back in August, I can’t help but be overwhelmed with many different emotions. I am reminded of the consuming anxiety I felt when I first arrived on campus just nine months ago. My world felt as if it was crashing around me and that there could be nothing scarier than moving out and moving across the country.
I can’t help but be reminded how I was intimidated by everything around me, by the new faces, new surroundings, new state, and new town. The idea of my parents leaving me felt more like abandonment than the start of a new chapter in my life. I can’t help but to remember the long nights with tears in my eyes and loneliness in my heart as I felt a painful longing to be in the places that were familiar to me. I remember all of a sudden feeling so small in this world, like everything was against me, working to knock me down.
As I look back at my empty dorm I remember the struggles, the challenges, and the ladders I climbed to overcome everything that seemed to be setting me back. I remember the painful memories of not fitting in with certain people and having my morals and images mocked. I felt so different to the people around me and I remember questioning my own purpose. I look back into my room and I see the twin bed I so desperately curled up in, hiding from everything on the other side of my covers.
Through the negatives, I see the successes and the joys of my freshman year. I see all of the times I defied those who put me down. I can feel the warmness in my heart when I first discovered the truest friends I have ever had in my life. I can feel the tightness in my stomach as I remember the times I laughed until I cried with my friends over dumb pictures on Facebook. I remember the nights out, getting ready for hours with makeup scattered across the bathroom and the smell of burning curling irons. I can see the crazy late nights running through the parking lot and ordering food to our dorm at two in the morning.
I realize as I look back at my empty dorm that I am no longer afraid, timid, or unsure of my surroundings. I am excited about my future at school, I am enthusiastic about the new faces that surround me, and I feel more at home here than any other place. My community at school has created a family for me of 10,000 students. These people are no longer strangers but close friends. I no longer long to go home every week but fear the day I have to leave this place forever. This town is no longer foreign but familiar and this state is no longer strange but my commonplace.
I look back and realize how much my life has changed from that first day in August. I realize the person I have blossomed into and new paths I am starting on. I look back and no longer see sadness, longing, or loneliness but perseverance, excitement and pure joy. I now see that I came to school as one person, and I am leaving as another. The world got so much bigger yet every day I reminded about what a small world we actually live in. As my freshman year ends, I am not only leaving school with piles and piles of stuff, but endless memories, countless blessings, and prosperous opportunities for the next years. With one glance, I am reminded of nine month’s worth of memories, moments, and minutes that shaped me into the person I am as my freshman year comes to an end.
