In a couple of weeks, I will get dressed up, put on a black robe and decorated cap, walk across a stage, and say goodbye to my undergraduate career. It’s a time for celebration; after all, I’ve worked so hard at everything I’ve done the past four years and should be glad to be almost done with school. I should be excited for all the different directions my life can take once I no longer have to worry about completing my degree. And while I am excited for the things that are coming up, there’s one small problem.
I’m not completely ready.
School’s everything that I’ve ever known. I can hardly remember what life was like before it was taken over by classes, papers, projects, homework, and tests. No matter how much I’ve complained about any of those things, I didn’t mind them too much. I’ve always been the type of person who likes learning new things, about being exposed to facts and opinions that I had never heard before. School gave me an excuse to be endlessly curious and to engage in my creative side. Class assignments were the perfect opportunity to explore different writing styles and topics, and gave me the encouragement and criticism I needed in order to grow into the writer I am today. Not only that, but they gave me the chance to be surrounded by people who love writing just as much as I do. I learned from them just as much as I learned from my professors. We’ve all pushed each other to be better writers, which is something that I’ll be eternally grateful for.
It isn’t just the academic setting that I’m not ready to say goodbye to. More than anything, I’m not ready to say goodbye to the life I’ve built in my college town. Some of the most incredible people I know I’ve met as an undergraduate. My sorority sisters have become my second family. They’ve been by my side since my first semester on campus, when I was a shy and awkward eighteen-year-old who didn’t really know what she was doing. They have changed my life for the better. I can never thank them enough for all of the diner runs, Buffalo Wild Wings trips, laughter, hugs, and life talks that we have shared in the last four years. Imagining what it’ll be like to not be surrounded by best friends all the time is enough to make me want to cry. I know the bonds that I share with them can survive distance. But it doesn’t make it any less terrifying or heartbreaking.
No matter how much I try to ignore it, time is continuing on. There are only two weeks left for me as an undergraduate. Only two weeks left of living in a creative environment, of having my best friends in the same city as I am, of the man I’m crazy about being not too far away. But that does not mean that this is the end. My time as a student might be almost over, but that does not mean that any of those people will be exiting my life, or that I will give up on writing. It’s all still part of me, no matter where I am living.
I almost want to laugh at how upset I am about having to leave. Because here’s the thing: I did not want to go here. My goal was to graduate from high school and go to a different state: New York, Vermont, Massachusetts. It didn’t matter. I wanted to get out of Connecticut and explore someplace new and different. But I stayed, and it wound up being one of the best decisions that I have ever made.
This is what college has taught me: Step out of your comfort zone. Embrace the unexpected. Say “yes” to adventures. Fight for what you believe in, even if you’re standing alone. Speak up. Sometimes truly awful things happen, but they can be overcome. Take things one day at a time. There isn’t a day that can’t be improved by the people that mean the most to you. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Be spontaneous. Love fully and don’t hold back. Some of the best days are the ones where you don’t know what will happen. Family isn’t just blood- they’re the people that are important to you.
I could not have asked for a better four years.
