I do not solve Rubik's cubes because they calm me.
Nor is this the reason that I recite Pi, faster and faster to myself.
It is for the insanity, the crazy, untamed energy I get from it. And in this way, I cope.
It is far better than the alternative, I believe. The alternative of killing oneself, emotionally, until there is nothing left to feel, an all exciting things are no longer exciting and all painful things become everyday occurrence.
But, that is what has become fashionable, to kill oneself. Not physically, that has always been an option floating around in peoples minds; perhaps things would be better if I were gone.
But they wouldn't.
The families of the willingly fallen have known this since the dawn of the idea, and everyone else, everyone who has never been the fallen or known the fallen, is just now starting to understand it.
What I mean when I say that people "kill" themselves is an inward killing, an eradication of emotion, of feeling. This is how people have chosen to cope with their difficulties, and I don't think we have seen something quite like this before. At least, not in such large numbers.
Becoming "cool" towards everything has become common-place, it seems. Now everyone gets embarrassed if they laugh too loudly, if they say a funny joke. God forbid they dance in public and really mean it.
But, I refuse this.
To live is to risk, to risk is to reach towards an earned reward, and an earned reward is the only one worth having.
There is a certain conversation with life that happens when you allows yourself to be vulnerable. I believe life pays attention to when you really want something, and sacrifice not only time and energy, but hope and faith, as well.
The greatest achievements can only be made through an equal sacrifice.
To reach for your dream is to give all of you, and not to be cool and distant to protect yourself from loss, but to be very, very vulnerable, and let the world see right into and to how much you want what you reach for.
Vulnerability, the willingness to risk being disappointed, the willingness to fail, is the only way to grow stronger, and the only way to understand just how to earn what life can offer.
Failing isn't a terrible end to avoid, but a wonderful fight to sharpen the mind and body to become better, to spar with will and make it want to say no to stopping. This thing we run from, this failure we fear, is nothing to fear at all, but something to welcome.
If we were perfect, and won every battle, we would only ever be exactly as we are, and would never be made into who we need to be, who the world needs us to be.
So, to my generation, don't be afraid of failure, and do not fear pain. For, these are the things that will strengthen you, and from this strength, one can only ever gain.
