All the way back in August, I wrote an article about Ariana Grande's album "Sweetner" from the standpoint of someone with a diagnosed anxiety disorder. Many of the songs on the album refer to Grande's own struggle with anxiety and PTSD, especially after the 2017 Manchester Arena bombing that happened at one of her concerts.

However, I often referenced her song "breathin" as the definitive song about anxiety on the album. Grande herself confirmed this in a reply to a fan on Twitter. It's quite obvious when listening to the lyrics of the song that Grande is referencing specific symptoms of her anxiety, many of which are shared by other people with anxiety disorders.

Even the opening lines, allude to common symptoms and feelings: "Some days things just take way too much of my energy/ I look up and the whole room's spinning." Spoon theory is a metaphor used to describe how people with disabilities and chronic illnesses (such as anxiety disorders and mental illnesses) often have reduced energy throughout the day. While these losses of energy doesn't always mean that a person can't be productive or successful, it can certainly cause them to feel more tired and become irritable throughout the day. Or, alternatively, like the room is spinning.

In the music video, we often see shots of Ariana moving a normal or slightly slowed speed while the world around is moving at a frightening pace. To me, this felt a lot like the onset of a panic attack. Many people experience symptoms of panic while in crowds because of feelings of being trapped, overwhelmed, etc. These scenes captured that perfectly.

The opening scene of the music video shows Ariana surrounded by blue dust. While aesthetic and beautiful, it may have a darker meaning. Hyperventilation and breathing problems are often part of the onset of a panic attack and often someone experiencing an anxiety or panic attack will have trouble breathing and to me, it feels nearly like suffocation. This powder seems to personify that feeling.

Another beautiful moment comes from just before the halfway point of the music video, we see Ariana in a transit station. People are rushing around her while she moves at a normal pace (as explained above), and we see a shot of the departures sign that switches momentarily to say "needy." This moment is beautiful and touched me deeply as someone who often feels like a burden because of my illness. Not only can it make you feel you're needy to other people, but it can make you feel needy to yourself.

While "breathin" became an important song to me when "Sweetener" was released over the summer, the music video made it even more beautiful. While anxiety and mental illness is hardly beautiful, Ariana expresses the ugliest sides of herself and millions of others with beauty. That takes intense power and strength. "Keep on breathin' "