Remember that middle school Judy Blume book that you read about Margaret? Remember how it was a compelling story that taught you a lot about being a girl and talking to God? God bless Judy Blume for understanding the average 12-year-old girl. Now, It's been a long time since I read this book, so forgive me if I'm giving it more credit than it's owed.
Lately, I've been thinking about my honest prayers to God. Never have I ever, been a fan of praying out loud or anything like that. There's a reason for that. It's because my conversations with God have never been like those I've seen modeled.
Sometimes, I honestly get annoyed when I hear people pray. I know that's horrible. I really am sorry. I as I've talked about before, I am a big proponent of being 100 percent completely honest. So in being honest, I find it upsetting when people use prayer to comfort others instead of a conversation with God. You know what I'm talking about right? When people say things like how there is a plan, and these horrible things that have happened will all come to God's glory. I understand that they will. We don't need to tell God that do we?
Sorry, I specifically do not want to rant about this. Please, I hope there are no spiritual debates about this. So I'll just talk about how I talk to God. I really don't think of what I'm doing as praying. I see it as talking. To me, every minute of the day is an open conversation with God in my head. I'm not hearing voices in my head, don't worry. But just me talking to God about what I see around me or what I thinking or feeling.
I see no point in lying or making something sound better than it is. God knows the exact number of hairs on my head, so who am I to tell Him that I'm enjoying these veggies when I really want to gag.
Here is an example of one of my conversations with God:
Me: This kinda sucks really bad. Why is this happening?
God: I know child, it has a purpose.
Me: But what purpose.
God: Do you trust me?
Me: Yeah but what purpose.
God: You will see, I promise
Me: But will I?
God: *laughs* yes you will, and you might learn some patience as well.
Me: That's not funny.
God: It kinda is.
Me: Okay yeah it is but still.
To me, not only does God fully know me and my personality, but he laughs with me and understands my sassiness. I've always, always seen my relationship with God as that of a Father. A personal relationship, with a personal one on one conversation.
I have also always trusted that where my words fail, there is grace and the intervention of the Spirit as stated Romans.
Like wise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows that is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. - Romans 8:26-27
So yeah, I pray a little bit differently. I pray that that is okay and that this personal way I see prayer is the thing that helps me stay close to God through my life...
