In the movie "Silver Linings Playbook," there is a scene where Bradley Cooper’s character is out for a morning run. His run is suddenly interrupted when Jennifer Lawrence’s character, who is also running, attempts to chase after him. Cooper’s character, rather than run alongside her, is freaked out and immediately tries to escape by increasing his speed and trying to outrun her.
Is this scene a disturbingly accurate depiction of how some people react at the possibility of becoming romantically involved? Having relationships with people is part of existing in community with others, but perhaps no type of relationship creates more apprehension in certain individuals than one of a romantic nature.
Western culture is notably individualistic, promoting the concept that the highest priority is our own personal gratification, as opposed to mindset that is specifically concerned with the “common good” of society. What exactly constitutes "common good" for everyone is highly subjective. Has this individualism molded the mentalities of some people to believe that being alone is the best, or even the only way to maximize our potential as societies most potent producers? But is this thought-process rooted in truth, or in jaded skepticism?
If you’ve ever discussed relationships with a co-worker, friend, or family member, you’ve probably heard at least one of the following statements…
“I’m Focused On My Career”
This is classic, commonly used rhetoric. Unfortunately the idea has been fostered in the minds of some that you cannot simultaneously be a career-driven, accomplished person, and devote effort to a significant other at the same time. It is almost as if the thought of those two things existing in harmony is some kind of paradoxical impossibility. It is fair to say that your time will have be more divvied up in order to successfully manage a time consuming career and a relationship, but the notion that one must be sacrificed in order for the other to thrive is misguided at best, dangerous at worst.
A human life is not very long, in the context of the history of the world. But it is long enough that having a partner to accompany you on the journey can absolutely be worth the investment. In a healthy relationship where both partners compliment each other’s best qualities, not only will being in a relationship not slow you down, it will produce the opposite effect. A great partner will motivate you to do the best work that you can(and hopefully you will do the same for them) and as a result, you will both produce at the highest level because you have one another as a mutual source of inspiration. Thankfully, there are those who recognize that a career and a relationship can coexist happily. So if a career is not the reason for the hesitance of certain individuals, what is it? Could it be something of a more emotional-nature? If you have not heard someone say that they’re focusing on their career, then you may have heard them say…
“My Last Relationship Left Me Shattered, I Can Not Do It Again”
Ah yes, the dreaded heartbreak. Whether you’re the one doing the breaking or the one that has been broken, the end of an especially meaningful relationship is never an enjoyable experience to go through. It can feel as if a part of you has been removed. You’re waking up in the middle of the night wondering where everything went wrong and the connection crumbled. It is wholly understandable why a person might feel reluctance to enter into another relationship when they felt destroyed by the last one that they engaged in.
But contemplate this: What if that defeatist attitude carried over into everything in life? Imagine if you never applied for another job after receiving a rejection letter, or if you made a mistake during a piano recital and decided that you wanted to give up the piano? As uncomfortable as it can feel, we need to learn to see the value in situations that seem purely negative, and attempt to glean something positive from them. When that piano performance is finally played the way it was always envisioned, it will be a thing of unparalleled beauty. Think of your potential next relationship in the same way.
Careers and past relationships have both been discussed. What both of those have in common is that to varying extents, external factors have an influence on the reasoning behind the two statements expressed above. But what about when a reason is given that is derived from a more internalized place? When the reason has more to do with perceptions of self than any outer force? If that is the case, the statement might sound something like…
“I Am A Flawed Person Who Is Still Trying To Figure Out Life, Why Would Someone Want To Be With Me?”
Here’s the thing about being a finite human being: You will probably never feel like you have life figured out. That might be a genuinely discouraging thought, if it weren’t for the fact that every other person on earth is equally as finite as you are. If being an imperfect being who is not all knowing is the only thing holding you back from possibly pursuing a partner, then hopefully the knowledge that you are not alone will provide the necessary impetus for you to consider letting love into your life.
Let me preemptively dispel any misunderstanding of the point that I making with this article. I am not saying that a relationship is necessary to lead a fulfilling life. You can be truly happy and achieve great things without having a significant other. My message is merely this: be open to loving and cherishing someone, and allowing yourself to be loved and cherished as well.
