I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older that the future is a beautiful thing. It is full of wonder and mystery. The possibilities of what may be are exquisite.
I’ve also realized that the future is utterly terrifying.
It seems that as I’ve gotten older, the future likes to shove her metaphorical agenda right down my throat. She’s constantly glaring me in the face. Hovering behind my back as if to remind me that I can’t avoid her forever…that one of these day’s I will have to turn around and face her like the woman I am.
For a long time, I couldn’t do that. Time seemed to speed itself towards me at a lightening speed and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. Now, I have friends who are getting married.
Friends who are having children.
Friends who are graduating.
Graduate school applications need to be started.
Entrance exams need to be taken.
It’s paralyzing.
But I’m starting to remember the wonder of the unknown. I’m starting to accept that I will never be able to plan out every single stage of my life. I have to simply do what I can and look towards what may come.
That’s a really, really, really hard lesson to learn.
On one hand, we want to save the world. We want to get our voices out. We want to be acknowledged and accepted and listened to. We want change. We want to be the change.
But on the other hand, there is a great temptation to lie in bed all day. To call our parents when one little thing goes wrong. To live off of mac n cheese.
And it seems like society is telling us that we need to stay young and not worry about the future while simultaneously telling us that we need to grow up and learn how to be real adults. That not everything is so easy and we must be prepared.
Who could blame us for feeling like we have to choose one or the other?
The future is scary. It seems like we’re going to turn around and she’s going to hold out two hands and we have to pick one. The hopeful and wonderful. Or the exciting uncertainty.
But guess what?
It’s okay to want both. That’s why we have two hands.
