This week, I tried something new and weird. I took time out of my week in order to thank God for sending me hardships and trials this semester. All of them.
This semester has been one of the hardest periods of my entire life. I have felt worn down, tired, empty, and short of hope. I’ve been bitter about all of the struggles that I have been facing, and I have been aggravated at God for giving me mountains when all I wanted was a way out. I felt like I was constantly asking God why. Why me? Why can’t I catch a break? Why do you hate me? Why did you send me this? Why are you doing this to me? Why don’t you love me?
This semester, my discipler (a sort of spiritual/life mentor) and I have been reading a book called Trusting God by Jerry Bridges. It’s been a hard book to swallow, and has been convicting me left and right. This week was no different! The book talked about the difference between asking God ‘why’ naturally versus asking Him ‘why’ sinfully. Dang, that hit me hard. I didn’t even have to think about it, I knew I had been asking God ‘why’ in a way that was doubting His purpose, His goodness, and His sovereignty. It hurt to realize that.
So, swallowing my pride, I decided to change up my normal routine of complaining/questioning the hard and difficult things in my life. Instead, I thanked God for giving me these hardships.
Boy, was that humbling.
It felt weird. It felt a little hollow. But afterward, I felt more content than I had after any questioning session that I’d had in the past few months! It was a really cool experience (once I got over the shock of it) and I was glad that I did it.
Our lives would look so different if we responded to adversity with thankfulness instead of wariness. Thanking God for bringing difficulty into my life once again placed the power, control, and wisdom in God’s hands, where they belonged. Instead of having myself and my own wants at the center of my vision, I put God and His wisdom there.
My issues weren’t magically over after doing this, but I felt better. I felt hope for the first time in months. It was therapeutic. It was the metaphorical kick in the ass that I needed. Sometimes, just shifting the way you’re looking at something can open up so many possibilities. Only when you move your viewpoint off of yourself are you finally able to see the big picture!
