Ladies, we've all been there, you're trying to lose weight and get fit, but the ins and outs of the gym are so hard to stick with. Crossfit, Insanity, P90X, it feels like all these programs were built for people who are already experts on health and fitness! But I come bearing good news; after years of trying and failing, I've found an exercise program for the rest of us. Through a strict training plan, I lost 45 pounds through mental gymnastics--and you can, too!
The key is to start out slow. You can't just jump into mental gymnastics, you need to slowly immerse yourself in it. Convincing yourself that you are perfect and that nothing you do is ever wrong can be difficult at first, but in the end, it's so worth it. Why should I confront my flaws as a human being when I can just explain them away and place blame on everyone around me? Admitting you're wrong is so 2008.
The thing I love most about mental gymnastics is that I can do it anywhere. For example, I went out to lunch today, ordered up a $37 bill between me and my gal-pal and didn't tip the waiter. You might be thinking to yourself, "Wow, what an asswipe. Waiters depend on tips to make a living." You might even be thinking that I was wrong. But the truth is that you are the one that's wrong! See, that waiter probably got tips from everyone else in the restaurant, plus my crab cakes were cold. "But the waiter didn't prepare the food" you say? Well, if I don't personally punish him for not checking the temperature of the crab cakes before he brings them to the table, who will? I could have gotten, like, Salmonella or something from under-cooked crab cakes. He was super careless to not check if the food was hot and he also looked at me funny when he was telling me a story about how my sweater reminds him of one his daughter has. Speaking of which, how dare he comment on my outfit? That was probably a snide way of calling me fat. I'm glad I didn't leave him a tip, and I should call his manager tomorrow to complain.
Phew! See, what a work-out! I can feel the pounds peeling away already!
Losing weight is hard. Convincing yourself that you are never wrong and everything you do is perfect is even harder. But in the end, nothing worth doing comes easy. Mental gymnastics has left me feeling refreshed, strong and like a molten mass of inflamed ego flying towards the cold, hard planet of reality.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of transcripts to send out. It doesn't matter that my GPA is a 1.5. I'm going to medical school!
