God Gave Me Anxiety But He Also Blessed Me With The Strength To Overcome It

God Gave Me Anxiety But He Also Blessed Me With The Strength To Overcome It

Also from me to you: do not Google your symptoms, you'll go crazy.


The summer of going into ninth grade I used to have three "asthma attacks" every day at random moments. Little did I know they were actually anxiety attacks. This lasted for about four weeks, I think, and then I went to the hospital. We found out I was experiencing anxiety. Apart of me was so happy I found out what in the world was happening, but apart of me didn't know what anxiety was.

To backtrack, I was supposed to switch schools and move out of the home I have lived in for now twelve years. I was supposed to leave all of my friends and start over. I didn't really think it was a big deal mentally. Yeah, I knew it was going to be hard and change is always difficult. Change for me seems like the end of the world at first, but then it gets better. But I guess my body, and way in the back of my brain I was actually really scared, confused, lost, and I just wanted everything to stay the same. I never voiced that though, I just repressed somehow and said: "yay, I'm excited to move and start over." I wasn't really in touch with what I was really feeling.

After years of never having an episode, it all came back. Not going to lie, I'm upset that I am struggling with this and have been for three months. And recently it's moved to another level. Everything really has went from zero to a hundred real quick. As much as my life has played out, sadness made a way and came like a "hey how is it going!" And here I am having to yet again build up the broken pieces that come flooding.

Thinking I had everything under control until one day I had to face the fact that I don't have perfect control. And not having control makes me feel like I can't hold onto something that comforts me and makes me know I'm okay. All my life I never thought I would deal with something like this. I never thought anything would happen to me because I always wanted to make sure I could keep myself protected from everything. I did a good job for many years, but I guess my body and mind finally caught up with a lot of things.

As I type this out I want you to know that this is all happening for a reason. I guess writing this sentence out comforts me in the way I need. This anxiety should not define you. It shouldn't make you feel like you failed at protecting yourself. It shouldn't make you feel any more limited. It shouldn't make you feel like you lost yourself. It should tell you that you are experiencing a lot and that's okay. You are experiencing shedding of the old. You are finally in tune with the things you now have to work on. You are experiencing suffering and all those emotions that follow.

In this God's mercy is so present and it's where we learn humility. In the sadness, and in the anxiety it's where we learn that he is God and he is taking everything to show you how much he can pour into that empty bucket. He is showing you that the only person who can control everything is him. He is God. Once you learn to really say "I surrender...but only say the word and my soul shall be healed" and once you learn to trust and believe with that mustard seed-like faith that's when the click happens.

(And this right here is a note to myself, so I hope this sheds light onto you.)

To stop wanting control and beating around the bush when you tell him that you're ready. When in reality you're not, you're scared of all the stupidest things that can occur. You are afraid of losing yourself in the one thing that roots yourself and has so much more for you. You are afraid of losing what your mind has created you to be and trying to replace that with what the true divine heart has for you. You are afraid if you trust in the divine that somehow that will cause you to lose what you have built your own expectation as.

As St. Paul says "Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as refuse, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own, based on law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God depends on faith; that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his suffering, becoming like him in his death, that if possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead," (Philippians 3:8-11)

"For my power is made perfect in weakness." "For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).

So as for now find the silence, that afraidness, that feeling of what if's, that never-ending puzzle as a time of reaching out... but also telling yourself the truth no matter how hard the lies want to crawl in. No matter how much your mind wants to really make you feel that the worst is here and is upon you, just stop- breathe and please know this too shall pass.

Also from me to you: do not Google your symptoms, you'll go crazy.

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The Truth About Politics In Religion And How It Affects Our Relationship With God

They don't have to be mutually exclusive.


It's evident that religion can and has been used in politics from the values of voters and leaders. However, to use your religion or your relationship with God for making political decisions doesn't share the same meaning.

I've always loved finding all the best facts and research for argumentative work but I couldn't pursue that approach for this topic. Why? Because I've experienced the pattern in my relationship with God of how God defies logic.

God can't be contained to a definition or explanation. I liked the way I've heard one leader express that, "If you hear someone trying to explain to God as if he knows then he's a fool before he starts talking". That's a paradox within itself.

I've learned more recently to identify that the two sides of the paradox that you might wrestle with in understanding God are both true. That, yes, His hands are big and He knows exactly what to do to make you surrender but you'll also find no greater love than with Him because He has the biggest heart and knows what you need better than you do.

I think that accepting this paradox will differentiate between those that view politics religiously versus those that view it from 'what is God trying to do here'? The one that focuses on seeking 'what is God trying to do here?' would represent those with a relationship with God. This doesn't mean that referencing the laws of God exempts you from having a relationship but the love of God is the strength that sustains the relationship over the law. This is also a bit of a paradox because they're both important in Christianity.

There's the difference from seeing God as one-sided which is very prideful, limiting and incorrect compared to recognizing that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

I believe that what we believe and how we see God will bring limitations or provision on how we can be used in God's plan for His kingdom on earth when it comes to the way the world is run.

God, our relationship with God and the law of God all have to be considered in the things we do as Christians.

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Fiction On Odyssey: The Lioness

A mother will do anything for her children.


In light of Mother's Day that so recently passed by, this is a story made to express the appreciation felt for the wonderful mothers of the world, who make sacrifice after sacrifice for their kids, and there may be no better way to represent the ferocity and fearlessness of a mother than through a lioness.

The Lioness

The air trembled with heat. Above, the sky shone clear and blue, the sun broiling mercilessly in the great expanse. An airless breeze stirred up a tall funnel of stinging sand. The earth was cracked and broken, shriveling under the glaring sunlight.

The Lioness endured the heat, knowing she must. The sun bore down upon her broad, golden shoulders, and the burning sand bit at her paws, but she continued through the lifeless, unforgiving place. In her mind's eye, she was thinking of her young cubs, nestled safely in the shadows of a spindly grove of trees. Her heart ached at the thought of leaving them behind, but she had no Pride to help her hunt and protect them, so the task fell to her alone. Starvation was not an option. She would never let her cubs feel hunger drag at their bellies and bones, nor would let them suffer such unrelenting heat.

Onward she went through the barren plains, squinting against the blinding sun, scenting the dry, tasteless air with her nose and tongue. Hunger rumbled deep in her gut, but she wouldn't allow it to consume her. She had to keep a clear head. Her throat was burning, her mouth dry. The implacable golden rays had swallowed up much of the water. The drought was here, and where there was drought, there was no prey. She would find no luck out in so desolate a place. However much she knew this, she searched the savannah until sunset turned the white grass red. Heavyhearted, she admitted defeat and made way for home. Anger and fear followed her every step; outrage for her failure, fear for her cubs.

Dazed from the baking afternoon, the Lioness was relieved to spy her tree grove in the darkening horizon. A fresh flood of energy touched her weary bones at the thought of reuniting with her precious young ones. How they must have missed her! How little they understood all this! She almost broke into a canter, her heart yearning for them. And that's when she smelled it: the pungent, aggressive stench of another lion. The fur rose along her spine and shoulders. Fear froze her blood. The scent was male, and it was fairly fresh. He was alone and close by. The wind whistled past her, carrying with it the terrified cries of her cubs.

Forgetting her hunger and exhaustion, she surged forward, pounding toward the grove with fire pumping through her veins. There he was, towering over the three little ones. The Lioness could see the harsh bones jutting against the male's pale fur. He was gaunt and mean and hungry. Just as he was preparing to lunge, the Lioness slammed onto his back, throwing him aside. A splitting roar tumbled from her throat, brimming with rage. Her claws sank into his thin hide, ripping deep. The male hissed in pain, bewildered but angry. He bucked her off and whirled around, his glowing amber eyes dark with bloodlust. The Lioness bared her fangs and snarled sharply, shifting so that she stood before her cubs. Her yellow eyes dared him to challenge them again.

The male barreled toward her, all lean muscle and buffeting golden mane. The Lioness rose to meet him, lashing with her huge, flat paws and scoring her claws through his cheek. His weight knocked her backward, and she was suddenly lying on her back, with her belly exposed. The male instinctively lunged for it, but the Lioness struck his chest with her hind legs and heaved him away. She rolled to her paws and led the attack this time. She rammed into his flank with a butt of her shoulders and aimed a painful bite to his throat. She nearly gagged on the thick mane, but her teeth reached flesh and she bit down with all the might in her jaw. His agonized roar set her whole frame vibrating. He ripped out of her grasp and stumbled away, ruffled and bleeding.

The Lioness charged again, and he recoiled from her, his eyes shining with fear. He clumsily scrambled away and fled from the grove, his mane waving and tail lashing. She waited until his scent had faded before she turned to her cubs.

They blinked at her, wide-eyed with astonishment. Then they raced to her, purring happily and bounding on their little paws. She knew they would be hungry, so she wearily settled into their nest and lay on her flank for them to suckle. But the cubs ignored her milk and found a place to curl up beside their mother's head. The biggest of them began to lap gently at her cheek, clearing away the dust and grit. Gradually, the other two joined in, licking her ears and nose and forehead with steady, soothing tongues. The Lioness breathed in their beautiful scents and purred deeply as she finally allowed herself to sleep.

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