Anxiety. It's a word that induces fear in most people, sends a shiver down your spine. When I hear that word I feel empowered. College has taught me so much: how to be independent, how to study, how to panic when under crippling stress, you know just average student life. The biggest thing college has taught me is how to accept my anxiety, how to treat it, and how to live with it. My anxiety empowers me because it taught me to love myself even at my worst. I had to learn self love, to give myself the breaks that I deserve. This took me a rather long time to realize, I am hoping by telling my story I can help others.
Anxiety isn't a death sentence, but some days it can put your whole life on hold with the flip of a switch. Attacks can get triggered at a moments notice and honestly sometimes you never know why. It can turn you into a dark version of yourself that you don't have control over. During finals week my freshman year I had anxiety so bad I couldn't keep food down and I wasn't sleeping. I was so worried about failing out that I was failing myself. I became this hollow shell of a person and I really worried all those around me. I realized I never wanted my anxiety to get that bad ever again.
I sought out help. That was the hardest part, admitting that I was not okay. I am a prideful person, and most of the time being the person people turn to for advice. I was so scared of being written off by people, or told my condition was not real. In my head I felt that I wasn't entitled to make this a big deal, that no one would care, and I was stuck trying to normalize feelings that were not at healthy levels. I am so glad I spoke up; you see that was the first step in long and on-going journey of self love. I began looking into holistic treatments to alleviate my anxiety. I started getting pressure point treatments and even learning deep breathing exercises to calm myself down. Learning to visualize my happy place during times of stress, doing guided meditations and calling a friend to talk me down during attacks.
I am so much better now than I was a year ago. I am happy, hard working, sleeping and eating. Don't get me wrong there are still days where my anxiety gets the best of me, however; on those days I know I have an incredible support network to reach out to. I am so happy that I did seek help despite my anxiety telling me all these irrational fears. I am learning day by day how to accept these fears, the scattered thoughts, and the attacks. Day by day I am getting stronger and more confident with each self soothing technique and deep breathing. I am a beautiful warrior on their road to recovery and I will win.
