1. You made plans with your friends on Monday to go out this Friday. Well now its Friday and you're either ignoring your phone and pretending to be asleep or your making up some terrible excuse why you cant go out.
You had every intention of going out and having a good time. It wasn't like you found something better to do or you didn't want to see your friends and have a drink or two. You woke up with an overwhelming sense of doom, but of course there was no reason for it. You've cleaned your house all day because even though you mentally feel like you're running a marathon it just cant stop and keeping your hands and body busy is all that seems to distract you. But to your friends thats exactly what they see and slowly but surely you become that friend that never follows through with plans so when you do try and plan things your friends don't take you seriously. And thats ok because it takes living with anxiety every single day to really understand what it takes to leave your home because some days are just worse than others. And anyone that has anxiety wouldn't wish that on their friends and family.
2. OK so you actually make it out of the house but you're an hour or more late to wherever you were supposed to be.
If you're like me and you actually fee like you can go somewhere you have to be dressed comfortably or you wont make it out of the driveway. Some people don't think about little things like getting dressed when it comes to anxiety but this is one of the biggest obstacles I face when trying to attend an occasion that I cant wear my leggings and a T-shirt two sizes too big. So you start with the idea of the outfit you have in your head. And its cute for about 10 seconds until you see that stomach bulge that no one else would even notice so you change your shirt and slowly but surely you end right back up in a T-shirt and the most comfortable pair of jeans you own. Sounds like a simple process but it generally takes about 30-45 minutes total to talk your self into or out of all these outfits before finally just giving up and leaving IF you haven't had a little mini freak out and decided not to even go anymore (this happens to me more often than not).
3. Just doing breathing exercises and getting out of the house isn't always enough to shake how you feel when your anxiety is overwhelming that day.
Well Ryan Gosling as much as I would like it to be that easy it just isn't. Granted if you're having a panic attack deep breathing, meditation, fresh air, those are all great things to try and help slow your breathes and to calm you down to some extent. But sorry it just doesn't make the anxiety disappear. I'm still waiting for the magic unicorn dust to be available at my local Walgreens for that. But thats what our friends have been taught to say or do for their school exam induced anxiety. However this chemical imbalance with deal with on a day to day basis is far from the same.
4. When your friends tell you to "Stop worrying so much, life is too short".
Well thank you so much for that wonderful advice that I literally tell myself every day and night while I'm freaking out over problems that are so small or that don't even exist yet. Like I previously mentioned there is a difference between day to day anxiety caused by a chemical imbalance and school or work induced anxiety. Now I don't mean to say that the other type of anxiety is any less debilitating, I'm in nursing school trust me it does exist and it does still suck. But just because I'm feeling anxious, which usually turns into feeling worrisome, doesn't mean that I'm actually worried about anything. Anxiety manifests itself in many different ways for different people just depending on the type of person they are and how they cope with things. But your friends don't see it that way. They tend to view your worrying as you being afraid. Actually I'm not afraid at all I'm just controlling. Because controlling my surroundings helps me to control my anxiety.
5. I sleep a lot. But that doesn't mean I'm lazy.
If you asked my friends and family they would tell you I sleep a lot. I usually go to bed no later than 10 p.m. and wake up around 6 a.m., however that doesn't mean I sleep that entire time. I'm lucky to fall asleep two to three hours after I actually lay in bed. And just because I texted you and told you I was going to bed doesn't mean I'm actually going to turn over lock my phone and fall asleep. And I am the nap queen. I generally can't make it through most days without some sort of nap. My parents especially think that this makes me lazy. But what they don't see is that I'm just mentally exhausted. And not to mention the eight hours that I was in my bed I probably only slept maybe five to six hours on a good night. So no I'm not lazy. When I'm awake I'm usually cleaning, studying for nursing school, and not to mention I make handmade scarves, all natural candles, and do photography all on the side to raise money for an orphanage in Haiti. So no do not call me lazy or compare me to someone sitting on the couch all day not doing anything.
But ultimately at the end of the day we still love our friends and they still love us regardless of our anxiety.
At the end of the day I have a stronger appreciation for those friends and my family that have been beside me for years and stuck through all the good and the bad that comes along with having to deal with someone you love having anxiety. I will be there for them through everything that they go through because they still let me nap, they still let me make plans knowing that I probably wont follow through, and they still let me pretend to control everything around me because it makes me feel better. For all those reasons I love you all so much.
