Something I’ve noticed over the past few months is people’s tendency to make light of something they don’t understand; in this case, anxiety. Some people believe that having anxiety is someone just wanting attention or trying to get out of something, that we're just using it as an excuse.This isn't true, and I think people believe this, party, because of a lack of understanding of what exactly anxiety is. I myself experience anxiety, social anxiety, and perfectionism. I know plenty of people who have different forms of anxiety as well. It personally took me years to realize that I myself had any form of anxiety. It wasn’t until my junior year of college that I found out I had social anxiety, which stemmed from my perfectionism. It was only after that that did I realize what a hold anxiety always had on my life. Because of my lack of knowledge, I didn't understand the impact anxiety has, which seems to be a real problem now for others. People don’t seem to realize how common anxiety actually is, which causes them to say or do the wrong things to people with forms of anxiety, Even the most well-meaning person can make things worse if they don’t actually know what they’re talking about.
Tell us that we’re being dramatic or that we’re overreacting.
A lot of the time, especially during an anxiety attack, we know we’re being over the top about the situation but our emotions take over. We don't have control in these situations our anxiety does. It takes a while to gain back control so to tell us that we’re being ridiculous or making a big deal out of nothing makes us feel like there’s something wrong with us.
Don’t make us do things that make us uncomfortable.
Don’t tell us to just get over our anxiety. Pushing someone with social anxiety to do something they’re not comfortable with doesn’t help. We know it’s not a big deal to exchange a book at the bookstore or go talk to an adviser, but for someone with social anxiety, it can be a huge deal. Instead of pushing someone to do more, applaud them for what steps they did take and remind them that it wasn’t as bad as they thought. Having anxiety or social anxiety can cause someone to only think about the worst case scenarios. We assume that only the worse will happen if we have to do something. Don't let us get caught up in our own heads.
Get mad at us when we're having a bad day or having an anxiety attack.
If we ask you to leave us alone, don’t assume we're just being grumpy or mean. One symptom of an anxiety attack is when people are around you, you feel like you’re being suffocated like everyone is too close to you even if they’re ten feet away. It’s like the walls are closing in and you feel like you’re coming out of your skin. We appreciate your trying to help but let us have our space when we need it.
Tell us that you empathize with us.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. If you have never had anxiety, you can’t do that. You can sympathize with us, but you can’t empathize with us. Don't act like you know what we're going through. We deeply appreciate your being there and trying to help but don't pretend you know what we're thinking and feeling. Don’t let your sympathy for us turn into pity either. Don’t treat us like we're some poor, pitiful creature who is about to break. Don’t be silent, though. When we're upset and saying that we can’t do something or that we're going to fail, speak up. Your silence is just a confirmation of our worst fears.
Do listen, do care, and do be there for us.
We know this is complicated. We know this doesn’t always make sense. We’re not trying to make things harder for ourselves or you. Anxiety can be the fear of losing control. It can be the fear of failure. It can be an obsession with being seen as perfect by everyone. It can come from anywhere and happen at any time. The biggest thing we want you to know is that we’re trying and we hope that you’ll try too.
