You're enveloped in darkness. The silhouettes of objects around you are the only thing you can make out. There is no moon, no stars, just the dank, wet darkness caressing your body. You have no idea where you are with no known or familiar objects around you. You walk around blindly hoping to bump into someone or something you know; however, instead you bump into a great mass of a black sticky substance.
"What the?" You slowly peel your body off of the mass, but it resists, the cold goop sticking to your skin. "Ugh, disgusting" you spurt out. The mass vibrates and you feel a hot, breath upon your face. It smells vile, you gag at the awful scent. This creature opens its eyes and stares right into yours. It's tinged yellow with blood shot veins. You feel your stomach drop and your heart pound on your chest. Your throat begins to close up making it difficult to breathe. You slowly back away from this giant mass. Then you realize...it's much more than just a blob of crap. It has two legs, two long arms with massive hands and claws. A ginormous mouth that could swallow you whole, but sharp yellow teeth that say no to that. This thing will grind you into meat mush.
You turn around to run but this monster is much faster than you could imagine. As you run, you begin to think you're getting away, you huff and puff with shallow breaths but this thing is stalking right behind you. It grabs your legs from under you. You fall flat on your face cracking your nose and splitting open your forehead. You don't have time to feel pain, you have to get the hell away from this thing! You begin to claw at the ground violently, squirming to break free of its grips, but no use. Your nails break off and crimson blood stains the tips of your fingers. Salty tears fall down your cheeks. You have no idea what's happening, where this thing came from, why it came for you, why is this even happening to you? You did nothing wrong. You struggle to find an answer though it doesn't come easy. You get frustrated at yourself for not knowing the answer yet so disappointed in yourself because surely you did something wrong to cause this even though you know you didn't. Then it hits you. Maybe...maybe you should just die. Then you won't bother anyone, and you won't feel this way anymore. All of these thoughts are flashing through your brain in mere seconds. You're still being dragged along by this creature, yet time feels so slow. Maybe it would be good if you disappeared. What if people love you? That's crazy, why would anyone even love you. You're worthless, a waste of space. Your sink deeper and deeper into these thoughts as the monsters goo encases you more and more. No, you need to survive. Then you think, no you need to die. You scream at the confusion.
"Make it stop!" You shout. "I can't handle this. I can't do this anymore." You sob. "Please...just stop..." You plead. But you have succumbed to the monster, as he swallows you whole.
This is my interpretation of what anxiety and depression is like. I've been struggling with these two diagnosis for quite some time. I have found ways to work with them and make my life more free. But it is a struggle for those who are fighting their own minds everyday. I just want to say, I believe in everyone of you who is fighting. I know you can win. I wrote this "simulation" to show people who may not understand the mind of an anxious-depressive person. I hope this helps to bring a new understanding. We are not pretending or seeking attention. We are actually hurting. While yes, there may be some people who do seek attention, there are those people everywhere you go, no matter what. Mental illness is a very real thing. Please support your loved ones who may be struggling. It will mean so much to them. In addition, if you are feeling anxious, depressed, suicidal, or feel like your mental health is not doing well, I suggest to seek help. There is no shame in it! It will only make you stronger.
Once again I believe in all of you. You are loved, you are strong, you are beautiful, and you will overcome this. Keep fighting. I love you all.
