This semester has been by far the hardest one for me yet. Not only physically, but mentally. It started off wonderful being back with my sorority sisters. Being able to tell them all about my summer and moving into the house finally. But something was off. I just couldn't pinpoint the problem. I had everything that I could ask for. My friends, my sisters, being back in school, it was all perfect. Something was just not right.
Suddenly, I figured out the problem. My anxiety was coming back. Not that it ever left, but it was getting back to being the way it used to be. So immediately I took action with my steps to deal with it. I mediated, I talked about my feelings, and told myself that everything was going to be okay. It worked for a little bit, but then it stopped helping. I didn't know what to do about it. I was lost. Everyone told me to see my counselor, and I knew I had to, but I wanted to do this by myself. I took what I learned from my counselor and applied it and it wasn't working anymore. So I waited. Biggest mistake.
I got a new job and was so excited. Getting my life back on track and everything. But then my anxiety hit me and made me worry about all the things i never really took into consideration. My boss had also scheduled me during school times and that wasn't helping me. I had to miss 2 classes the week I quit. I was crying for a few days. Wondering what am I going to do. I was also failing school. I wasn't doing the best I could've been doing. I would miss classes when my anxiety was acting up. When it was really bad. I would go in my room and sleep. That is how i coped with my anxiety. I slept so I didn't have to think about anything that would recur in my head. I didn't know how to help myself anymore.
I went to my friends and told them my problems. I felt as though I needed an outside perspective to see if I am doing anything wrong. It is apart of my OCD. That is what triggered my anxiety. That is why it had gotten so bad was my OCD. It isn't fun sitting and thinking of all the things you've done or said and thinking that you did something bad until you actually start to believe that you did.
I started to look more into God. I would talk to him and ask him to help me and pleaded to him that I can't go through this alone. Even though I am in a house with a lot of encouraging, kind-hearted, strong women, I knew I couldn't rely on them forever. I went to God instead. Now looking back on my past semester, I realized he was working through me. He lead me to the people to help me get my studies up and make it a priority while taking care of my mental health. He helped realize that I was straying away from Him. He gave me the strength to finally get anxiety medicine. Because he knew that I needed it.
I am so lucky to have such an amazing support system and a God that loves me more than anyone. Truly am so deeply lucky.
