As An Asexual Girl, I Answered These 9 Questions About Asexuality

As An Asexual Girl, I Answered These 9 Questions About Asexuality

For the curious, or the introspective.
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I found this list of questions about asexuality, compiled by Tumblr user freezinginbristol. They got me in an introspective mood, so allow me to answer a few, for fun and casual interest.

1. When did you know that you were asexual?

It didn’t really click until college. That’s when I joined my school’s Feminist Union and started really learning about just how many different identities there are. Before that, I was just confused and worried. But the other members of the club, and the Tumblr blogs I followed because I wanted to learn more, helped me understand the differences between romantic and sexual identities, and that asexuality was a spectrum, and gave me words that I just plain didn’t have before, to describe what I thought was indescribable.

15. Favorite thing about being asexual?

There’s a certain amount of drama that I’ve been able to avoid my entire life. I am very rarely romantically jealous. I worry less about first impressions, too. Sure, I want to make good impressions on people I’m interested in being friends with, or my coworkers, but when it comes to total strangers, I’ve never been too bothered about seeming unattractive, because none of them seem particularly attractive to me!

16. Least favorite thing about being asexual?

I didn’t like the confusion. I still don’t like the confusion I still have on occasion. But that isn’t really asexuality’s fault; it’s the fault of a heteronormative society that conflates sex, romance, and love. If I had to find something I don’t like about being asexual itself, it’s how it seems to keep me from really “getting” rom-coms. The main driving motivator for people in those movies just doesn’t register with me on the whole, so I have trouble relating to the protagonists.

17. Worst thing someone has said to you about your identity?

Fortunately nobody’s said anything too awful to me, but once or twice when I’ve described demisexuality to someone, they’ve replied, “That’s just how it is for everyone.” It really isn’t. I know that there’s no harm meant behind lines like that, but it casts doubt on the emotional struggle I went through before I found the word, and makes me pretty uncomfortable.

18. Best thing someone has said to you about your identity?

“Oh cool, yeah, I know what that is. Thank you for telling me!”

20. Character you see as asexual?

Katniss Everdeen jumps to mind right away. I remember reading The Hunger Games and finding her general not-getting-the-point-of-romance thing very relatable. She’s an aro/ace arrow ace. And so is Merida from Brave.

WALL-E and EVE are both ace. EVE’s demiromantic and WALL-E is some kind of alloromantic; the robots never assert their own genders and I refuse to make assumptions based on the assumptions the humans around them make.

25. If you could pick an animal to represent your asexuality, what would it be?

An elephant. She’s warm and caring, and generally unbothered, except when she’s going along her comfortable path and all of a sudden there’s sex a village in the way.

38. Do you enjoy being asexual or on the aspec?

Mostly it doesn’t feel to me like something to “enjoy.” It’s just what I am. And sometimes I get annoyed or angry with it, because it might be easier not to be. And other times I feel proud of it – usually when I talk about it with someone and they realize that they might be ace, too, and we forge a kind of community in that moment. But I don’t think that’s the same as enjoying it.

46. Have you ever doubted your asexuality?

Yes. And then I learned about demisexuality, and I sometimes doubt that, too. But I know that I’m overall more comfortable with the labels than I was when I didn’t have them, and I remind myself of that when I doubt too much.

Cover Image Credit: Wikipedia Commons

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I Am A Female And I Am So Over Feminists

I believe that I am a strong woman, but I also believe in a strong man.
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Beliefs are beliefs, and everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm all about girl power, but in today's world, it's getting shoved down our throats. Relax feminists, we're OK.

My inspiration actually came from a man (God forbid, a man has ideas these days). One afternoon my boyfriend was telling me about a discussion his class had regarding female sports and how TV stations air fewer female competitions than that of males. In a room where he and his other male classmate were completely outnumbered, he didn't have much say in the discussion.

Apparently, it was getting pretty heated in the room, and the women in the class were going on and on about how society is unfair to women in this aspect and that respect for the female population is shrinking relative to the male population.

If we're being frank here, it's a load of bull.

SEE ALSO: To The Women Who Hate Feminism

First of all, this is the 21st century. Women have never been more respected. Women have more rights in the United States than ever before. As far as sports go, TV stations are going to air the sports that get the most ratings. On a realistic level, how many women are turning on Sports Center in the middle of the day? Not enough for TV stations to make money. It's a business, not a boycott against female athletics.

Whatever happened to chivalry? Why is it so “old fashioned" to allow a man to do the dirty work or pay for meals? Feminists claim that this is a sign of disrespect, yet when a man offers to pick up the check or help fix a flat tire (aka being a gentleman), they become offended. It seems like a bit of a double standard to me. There is a distinct divide between both the mental and physical makeup of a male and female body. There is a reason for this. We are not equals. The male is made of more muscle mass, and the woman has a more efficient brain (I mean, I think that's pretty freaking awesome).

The male body is meant to endure more physical while the female is more delicate. So, quite frankly, at a certain point in life, there need to be restrictions on integrating the two. For example, during that same class discussion that I mentioned before, one of the young ladies in the room complained about how the NFL doesn't have female athletes. I mean, really? Can you imagine being tackled by a 220-pound linebacker? Of course not. Our bodies are different. It's not “inequality," it's just science.

And while I can understand the concern in regard to money and women making statistically less than men do, let's consider some historical facts. If we think about it, women branching out into the workforce is still relatively new in terms of history. Up until about the '80s or so, many women didn't work as much as they do now (no disrespect to the women that did work to provide for themselves and their families — you go ladies!). We are still climbing the charts in 2016.

Though there is still considered to be a glass ceiling for the working female, it's being shattered by the perseverance and strong mentality of women everywhere. So, let's stop blaming men and society for how we continue to “struggle" and praise the female gender for working hard to make a mark in today's workforce. We're doing a kick-ass job, let's stop the complaining.

I consider myself to be a very strong and independent female. But that doesn't mean that I feel the need to put down the opposite gender for every problem I endure. Not everything is a man's fault. Let's be realistic ladies, just as much as they are boneheads from time to time, we have the tendency to be a real pain in the tush.

It's a lot of give and take. We don't have to pretend we don't need our men every once in a while. It's OK to be vulnerable. Men and women are meant to complement one another — not to be equal or to over-power. The genders are meant to balance each other out. There's nothing wrong with it.

I am all for being a proud woman and having confidence in what I say and do. I believe in myself as a powerful female and human being. However, I don't believe that being a female entitles me to put down men and claim to be the “dominant" gender. There is no “dominant" gender. There's just men and women. Women and men. We coincide with each other, that's that.

Time to embrace it.

Cover Image Credit: chrisjohnbeckett / Flickr

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Past Legal And Modern Social Apartheid

An opinion piece on past legal Apartheid in South Africa and how it is socially reflected in the United States.

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When stepping inside of a solitary cell at Constitutional Hill in Johannesburg, I felt a tightness in my chest and wanted to leave that small space immediately; imagining a Black South African who broke the pass laws during Apartheid being in there is beyond disturbing. Due to laws such as the Native (Urban) Areas Act No 21 of 1923, the Bantu/Native Building Workers Act of 1951, and the Bantu Homelands Citizens Act of 1970, Black South Africans during Apartheid were extremely limited in where they could live, detrimentally affecting their economic and employment opportunities. When touring the former Constitutional Hill prison, the guide told us that, when Black South Africans were caught without passes permitting their stay in Joburg for the day and/or night, they spent 5 days in prison, along with murderers and others who committed serious crimes. If caught multiple times breaking these pass laws, they would spend 5 years in this prison. Most of those who violated these pass laws were unemployed or sought better employment in Joburg; this is understandable, as a person has a better chance of having a job by being there physically. When thinking further about the lack of opportunity they suffered from due to the aforementioned laws creating this effect, this legal repercussion becomes further and further disturbing. Additionally, this also directly led to the creation of "White" and "Black" areas, where Whites lived in areas of better opportunity (ex. cities, suburbia), and Blacks were subjected to living in poverty and townships where there was limited economic and employment opportunities.

This lack of opportunity is echoed in the U.S. when looking at socially designated "White" and "Black" areas. Trayvon Martin was murdered by George Zimmerman essentially because he thought Martin "was not where he belonged", which was in a nice suburban area. As a person of color myself, I have been stared at in museums, followed in stores, and once at 12 years old kicked out of a shop (I did not do anything wrong), because I "stuck out". In this way, society told me (and violently told Martin) that we don't belong in those areas, that we "belong" in ghettos or prison; the racial demographics of populations in U.S. prisons will support me here. Therefore, by society socially designating where people "belong", not only do they bind themselves in their own ignorance, but also prevent people of color from sharing the same access to plentiful life and economic opportunity.

References

Native (Urban) Areas Act No 21 of 1923: Prevented Black South Africans from leaving designated area without a pass. The ruling National Party saw this as keeping Whites "safe" while using Blacks for cheap labor.

Bantu/Native Building Workers Act of 1951: Allowed Black South Africans to enter the building industry as artisans and laborers. Restricted to "Native" areas. Prevented competition between Whites, Coloureds, and Blacks. Could not work outside a designated area unless given special permission.

Bantu Homelands Citizens Act of 1970: All Black South Africans would lose their South African citizenship/nationality over time. Would not be able to work in "South Africa" due to being aliens. Black South Africans would have to work inside their own areas and could only work in urban areas if they had special permission from the Minister.


South African History Online. "Apartheid Legislation 1850s-1970s." South African History Online, South African History Online, 11 Apr. 2016, www.sahistory.org.za/article/apartheid-legislation....

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