As An Asexual Girl, I Answered These 9 Questions About Asexuality
Politics and Activism

As An Asexual Girl, I Answered These 9 Questions About Asexuality

For the curious, or the introspective.

Wikipedia Commons

I found this list of questions about asexuality, compiled by Tumblr user freezinginbristol. They got me in an introspective mood, so allow me to answer a few, for fun and casual interest.

1. When did you know that you were asexual?

It didn’t really click until college. That’s when I joined my school’s Feminist Union and started really learning about just how many different identities there are. Before that, I was just confused and worried. But the other members of the club, and the Tumblr blogs I followed because I wanted to learn more, helped me understand the differences between romantic and sexual identities, and that asexuality was a spectrum, and gave me words that I just plain didn’t have before, to describe what I thought was indescribable.

15. Favorite thing about being asexual?

There’s a certain amount of drama that I’ve been able to avoid my entire life. I am very rarely romantically jealous. I worry less about first impressions, too. Sure, I want to make good impressions on people I’m interested in being friends with, or my coworkers, but when it comes to total strangers, I’ve never been too bothered about seeming unattractive, because none of them seem particularly attractive to me!

16. Least favorite thing about being asexual?

I didn’t like the confusion. I still don’t like the confusion I still have on occasion. But that isn’t really asexuality’s fault; it’s the fault of a heteronormative society that conflates sex, romance, and love. If I had to find something I don’t like about being asexual itself, it’s how it seems to keep me from really “getting” rom-coms. The main driving motivator for people in those movies just doesn’t register with me on the whole, so I have trouble relating to the protagonists.

17. Worst thing someone has said to you about your identity?

Fortunately nobody’s said anything too awful to me, but once or twice when I’ve described demisexuality to someone, they’ve replied, “That’s just how it is for everyone.” It really isn’t. I know that there’s no harm meant behind lines like that, but it casts doubt on the emotional struggle I went through before I found the word, and makes me pretty uncomfortable.

18. Best thing someone has said to you about your identity?

“Oh cool, yeah, I know what that is. Thank you for telling me!”

20. Character you see as asexual?

Katniss Everdeen jumps to mind right away. I remember reading The Hunger Games and finding her general not-getting-the-point-of-romance thing very relatable. She’s an aro/ace arrow ace. And so is Merida from Brave.

WALL-E and EVE are both ace. EVE’s demiromantic and WALL-E is some kind of alloromantic; the robots never assert their own genders and I refuse to make assumptions based on the assumptions the humans around them make.

25. If you could pick an animal to represent your asexuality, what would it be?

An elephant. She’s warm and caring, and generally unbothered, except when she’s going along her comfortable path and all of a sudden there’s sex a village in the way.

38. Do you enjoy being asexual or on the aspec?

Mostly it doesn’t feel to me like something to “enjoy.” It’s just what I am. And sometimes I get annoyed or angry with it, because it might be easier not to be. And other times I feel proud of it – usually when I talk about it with someone and they realize that they might be ace, too, and we forge a kind of community in that moment. But I don’t think that’s the same as enjoying it.

46. Have you ever doubted your asexuality?

Yes. And then I learned about demisexuality, and I sometimes doubt that, too. But I know that I’m overall more comfortable with the labels than I was when I didn’t have them, and I remind myself of that when I doubt too much.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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