Dear 20-somethings,
I'm not sure if you'll ever read this letter, but I have something to tell you. You want love, you're just afraid of it.
Most of us view our 20's as a chance to do everything we want with our newly found freedom before we are "forced" to settle down into a normal boring life, and college is the perfect setting to explore this new freedom. Freedom can come in all different shapes and sizes. Some of us find it in the form of staying out all hours of the night, while others find it in the arms of another person.
Finding a person is not much of a problem. We have technology that helps us find someone we want with the swipe of the screen based on their picture and brief and careless bio, and the "best" part is we don't need to bring emotions into the mix. Just a late night get together with a person you'll probably never talk to again. There's just one problem, most of us know we want more than that...
It's very easy to see why our generation finds comfort in this hook-up culture. It's because there's often no way to feel the pain of getting our heart ripped out.
If we keep things physical without bringing any emotions into the equation,nobody has to end up paralyzed with the pain of their emotion not being reciprocated.
No emotions, no problem! Right?
Wrong.
There is nothing wrong with just wanting a hook-up. However most of us are just trying as hard as we can not to love, it's like we almost fight ourselves not to love by cutting certain people we have feelings for out of our lives at the slightest sign of feelings.
We fear being vulnerable. We fear becoming too attached to someone. We fear that if we open up to someone and they do not like what they see that it makes us look stupid. The idea of putting yourself out there is enough to send some people running for the door.
But why?
Everyone can interpret a piece of art differently. So if someone sees you a certain way, that does not mean their opinion is right. It may hurt to hear the way someone sees you, but isn't that better than never knowing and always feeling regretful?
Thomas Edison failed over 1,000 times before he perfected the light-bulb, love is not much different.
There's an old saying that says, Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge. It hurts less.
I know the meaning behind that quote all to well and have felt that way many times, but then I remember another saying.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
As much as I fight myself to accept the latter... I have to admit it holds true.
We have become so caught up in the fear of getting hurt that we have locked any and all feelings away. We try and make up excuses like how we are too busy or how we just want to focus on school, but I feel deep down most of us know we want something more. It's just hard to admit it...
You can spill everything you have out to a person, but then it all may just end up on the floor with you feeling empty. Then you are forced to live with the feeling of rejection, and feel that you are not good enough. But what if that does not happen and that person accepts your feelings and returns them too? If you stay quiet you may be blowing off your chance at happiness. But none of us ever think that way, we just think about every negative outcome imaginable.
What if I'm not attractive enough?
What if they stop liking me?
What if one day I'm not good enough?
What if they don't return the feelings?
What if. What if. What if.
Well what if one day we wake up and regret being so afraid? What if we hate ourselves for never having the guts to say something? The only that will be left is "What if I wasn't so afraid to love"
I think the idea of having someone to love is awesome. Having someone that loves you no matter what happens sounds amazing, but a lot of us let it get overshadowed by fear. We need to stop thinking that everything is going to turn out for the worst and start hoping for the best. I believe that we only get one real chance at happiness. It would be a shame to let it all slip away over fear.
Yours Truly,
Ryan Jordan
