You know who you are.
You were my right hand. You were my go-to.
I'm sure that at one point you were my best friend but everything went down hill. I didn't want to see what you were doing to me. I didn't want to believe it. In my eyes you were my best friend. The one I could go to about anything and everything. The one I could trust. I thought we were going to last forever and a day but was I mistaken. You weren't aware of what you were doing. At all.
Everyone around me noticed, but I didn't.. I didn't want to. In my head that's just who you were. I didn't want to change that. I'm not one to want to change someone. That's just not right.
You drained me. Whenever we hung out and I got home, I felt completely drained. I no longer had energy.
You made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be your friend, to be your best friend to say the least. It took me a while to realize that you were toxic to me and my life. You were one to give out that tough love but when I gave you tough love, it was as if the world was coming to an end. That's not right. If you can dish it, you need to be able to take it.
Deep down I know you and I know that you are not one to see what you are doing to others. No matter how many times I stood up to you to open your eyes and show you what you were doing, you never saw it.
No one deserves to feel the way you made me feel. No matter what it was always, always a competition with you. You made me feel like I wasn't a good enough me. You would tell me about your life, about things new and exciting.. But when I wanted to say something to you that was new and exciting in my life, you tuned me out. You never wanted to hear what I wanted to say. I was always shut down.
That's not a real friend. A real friend should always be happy for you no matter what.. Even if your situation is better than theirs, it shouldn't matter. Real friends know that if you're up, they're up.
I have friends now that prove to me what it's like to be a real friend.They give me that tough love that we all need and I give it right back to them. Yes, we have our ups and downs, but at the end of the day I know that I can go to them regardless. We boost each other up, we don't tear each other down. Which is a lot more than I could ever say for you.
I'm not here to say that I'm perfect because no one is.
No one is perfect. No friendship is perfect.
Everything you did to me or said to me was a reflection of you, not me. I am stronger now for having cut someone as toxic as you out of my life. It took a lot out of me to do that, but I had to.
At the end of the day I wish you nothing but the best in your life. I prayed for you then and I pray for you now.
Thank you for being another lesson learned in this crazy thing called life.
Blessings,
Alexia Rose Guzmán
