There is no "dear" to start this letter off because after the absolute hell you've put me through, you do not deserve that formality. I will admit, I haven't been a saint. I've been a backstabber. I've been rude. I'm not a perfect person. However, I've seen the error in my ways and I've been trying my hardest to change and be a better person. You just keep moving on from person to person. I don't want you to feel attacked if you're reading this, regardless of whether or not you've betrayed me. If you have, you know who you are. It may be covered in a thick layer of denial but, I know, deep down, you know who you are. It's still not an attack, however.
I just want to call you out and I want you to try to change like I am. I'm angry, yes, but I don't want your apologies. I don't want you to attack me verbally and then come up to me hours later with a fake excuse and apology. I want you to apologize to the people that had to see me get attacked. I want you to apologize to those you've stabbed in the back before me and to those you will stab in the back in the future. Finally, I want you to apologize to your other "best friends." Trust me, when I was in their position I heard you talking about them behind their backs.
Of course, when I stop putting up with your nonsense, you take anyone who will and do the same thing. Pity it has to be them. I hope you know that they owe you an apology too. They did the same thing to me that you did and I promise you, they were saying similar things about you as well. I wish I could be more positive and believe that you've changed. I wish I could say that I hadn't heard you trash talking about them or them about you. I wish I could say that none of that matters and I'm just jealous because I've been replaced. You can't always get what you wish for though, can you? Yeah, I've been rude at times. Yeah, maybe my excuses were complete bull. That still doesn't give you a right to be petty towards me and treat me this way. I want to be here for you and I want to help you through any hard times you have because I don't hate you. I'm just hurt.
You expect me to be there for you at the drop of a hat and yet whenever I need someone, you're not there. I want you to know that I've been feeling alone and unloved and my life has been absolute hell lately. No, it's not entirely because of you. Though, it certainly doesn't help that I can't look to you for support anymore. It doesn't help that I have to watch my back everywhere I go because you're spreading rumors about me. It doesn't help that I just came to the realization that I've been taking in all your nonsense for so long and I get tossed aside like a piece of trash for it.
I change my mind, do apologize to me. But only do it if you truly realize what you've done. Only do it if you actually feel bad. Apologize for the hurt you've caused me. Apologize for telling me something months ago when we were "friends" and changing your story constantly to attack whoever you want to attack with the arrow of chance finally landing on me. Apologize for making me feel like I don't care enough. Apologize for making me feel like whatever I do I'm never good enough.
It's never enough for me to be there for you even when I need someone here for me. It's never enough for me to do whatever you ask me to. It's never enough to dump people out of my life just because you don't like them. Nothing I do is ever enough for you. It wasn't until now that I realized that the problem wasn't me. The problem is you.
I need someone who will be here for me. I need someone who won't make everything they're going through cosmically more important than whatever I'm going through. I need someone that will make me feel like an equal. I need someone who will give me advice to get me out of bad situations and take that same advice from me when they're in a bad situation. I need someone who will trust me and who I can trust. I need a real friend. It doesn't matter if you leave physically from my life or not because we're done. I'm not putting myself through any more that you've put me through. I'm not going to put anyone else through the s you've put me through. You don't get to control my life anymore. Go ahead and apologize to whomever you want. I know what's good for me, and I won't come back.
