This may very well be one of the most difficult things you have ever had to encounter. You weren’t ready for this. There truly is no way to ever be prepared for this. Young adults and teenagers just don’t have the tools to cope with the loss of a life yet, let alone the loss of someone their own age.
I know that you will never forget that moment you heard the news and the world turned off around you. I dropped to my knees and the tears came burning down my face. I don’t remember exactly when I stopped, I just remember becoming numb. Numb to everyone and everything around me. There is no proper response in a moment like this. Some will hold it in until they are alone, some will go about their days as usual until it all catches up with them, and some will become numb. This is not a normal situation. There is no normal response.
“That could have been me.” I know that you have at least pondered this notion. What circumstances brought them to this fate? How in sync were they with my choices? If I had done this differently, would it have been me? Maybe it would have, maybe it wouldn’t have. Given the complexities of every single life event, there is no way to every truly know.
Or even worse – “I could have changed that.” I know that when someone passes away, it’s common to look for ways that things could have been different. It’s common to think that you could have changed the scenario. But the truth is that things happened the way that they did for a reason. There was no way of knowing that one little change could have made all the difference.
I know that it may be frustrating when others don’t understand. Try not to get too offended when someone offers a cordial “it will get easier as time goes on.” They mean well, even if they don’t know just what to say. Instead, be thankful that this isn’t something that they have to encounter as well.
What I’m saying is this: Any response is a normal response to a situation that is not normal. We all have our own ways of coping, but try not to take it out on the world around you. Stop wondering if it could have been you – if you are following a path that is leading to the same direction, make a change. If not, utilize the life that you still have for all that it is worth. Don’t let retrospection take over your life, and don’t blame yourself. It doesn’t get easier with time, it never will. There are days when it still doesn’t seem real, and there are days when simply hearing their favorite band or passing your old stomping grounds will bring an influx of tear-inducing memories, or maybe even a slight chuckle at all of the shenanigans you experienced together.
Who knows how the course of life would have gone if they were still here. Would you have stayed in one another’s lives? Would you have drifted apart? Would your kids have ended up getting married? There is no way of knowing. But while the future remains in the unknown, there is one thing for certain. They left an overwhelming impact on a lot of people in this world. As long as we carry them with us, their mark will still be felt all around. Celebrate their life and the pieces of it that they gave to you. Remember that time is a valuable thing, and never let it go to waste.
I’ll always wonder how you would have made this world your own. Hope you’re resting easy, Renee.
