If you're anything like me, you hate (and I mean hate) speaking in the classroom. It's one of those things that has followed you your entire life. Even if you have to some degree blossomed as a person since grade school, talking in class or raising your hand was never something you really grew fond of because blossoming IRL versus in school are two completely different things. Everyone's situation can be a little different and how we react in the classroom varies. A teacher or professor calling on you could either be the worst thing ever or a blessing in disguise because hey, they gave you a gateway to speak and share that you wouldn't have had before. I completely get it. Like 100%. Because having to talk in class can honestly feel like this:

Or this:

Or even like this tbh:

Of course, even with this tendency, everyone has their own reasonings. Maybe you're just really tired all the time or you just don't feel like it. I feel you, dude. There's no reason to waste that little spurt of energy on a few words when you can just lay back, relax, and listen to your peers run their mouths. Even if you do tend to volunteer yourself as tribute regularly, everyone has their days where they're feeling under the weather or simply are just not about it that day. That's all fine.

But, if you're like me a large part of why you don't speak or talk in the classroom stems a lot from just pure anxiety. I, for one, never enjoyed public speaking, especially in an academic setting where your credibility as a scholar in front of your peers rests on the words that trail out of your mouth when you speak in class. You start to compare yourself to others who just seem so ahead of the game and wonder why you can't produce thoughts as invigorating as theirs. In all honesty, it's hard. You want to bring great material to the table because you have great ideas. You really do. But once you start playing the comparing game, you begin to lose confidence. You start to think your opinions are inferior or just wrong and sometimes they are, which just leads to uncertainty and discouragement. You fear the judgment of your peers and the critique of your professor because you want everyone to think you have what it takes to be there too. Sometimes you'll decide to change things up and actually speak out in class but when you do, you might not be met with the reaction you wanted. You start to hardcore question yourself, asking yourself why you even bothered to speak up when everyone else in your class is constantly spitting fire and it just seems like you don't really know what's going on. There are even days where I find myself itching to talk, whether in regards to a comment I disagree with or in regards to a topic I'm passionate about. But I just can't bring myself to act on it.

If you can relate to any of these things, I get you. I fall victim to this just as often as you do. I fall victim to the anxiety, to the insecurity. You're not alone. I promise. This is a difficult thing. You are not a problem because you don't speak in class. You're not a problem because you have amazing thoughts but can't bring yourself to share them with your peers. It's all okay. Still, I find there is a value in working toward being able to do all of that. Despite dreading the very thought of it myself, I have come to understand that sharing your thoughts and discussing with your peers and your professors in class do make a difference.

It puts you on a different level of class engagement, and that is something I found extremely useful and exciting. I began to be grateful for the professors that called on me, asking my opinion, giving me a point of entry into the discussion that I wouldn't have been able to form on my own. Discourse is important. Talking is important. But you don't have to rush to get to that point of understanding. It takes time. I mean a lot of time. It took me four semesters just to freely participate in one small class (fourteen people, mind you) and occasionally raise my hand (or get called on) in another regular-sized English class. Even today, I have a long way to go (especially since I realized I've pushed my oral communications requirement to the second half of my college career - a 100-level course, mind you). But that's still okay (*reassures self*). Like I said, to grow takes time. You have your entire college career and life after to work on this because your thoughts are valuable and amazing and deserve to be shared with the rest of the world. Yes, sometimes you will be wrong, and yes, sometimes others will have more enticing ideas than you. That's fine because at the end of the day, your thoughts are just as worth it and your mind is just as invigorating because your power to influence and speak out is all your own.

So to all of you out there who can relate to a common hatred for speaking in class, but want to maybe take that step to start getting your thoughts out there, you are more than capable. You don't have to rush into it, just dipping your feet into the waters is an incredible start. Don't try and immediately be that one kid to raise their hand at every question in every discussion, but maybe strive to be that one kid that everyone has deemed as "the quiet one" and shock them by saying one or two well-formulated thoughts every week or so. Because, honestly, even that is a major step that took me a long while to get to.

Bottom line, believe in change, believe in your thoughts and your mind, and believe in you. Because I sure as hell do.