Maybe we’ve watched it happen to someone else, maybe we’ve had it happen to us, maybe we’ve been guilty of doing it. No matter where you stand or have stood on the spectrum, chances are it’s probably pretty uncomfortable. I’ve come to find that the simplest solution to this issue is to not be the person to initiate it.
Granted, I get it, easier said than done and mistakes happen, sure. But just put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Ask yourself if what you’re saying is what you really mean, or if it’s just what the other person would want to hear. Don’t try and sweet talk someone into falling for you so you can brag to your friend’s about it. Though the college years tend to make hooking up and dating seem like a competition, it really isn’t, or at the very least, shouldn’t be. It’s a two way street. Don’t be the person encouraging it, and don’t be the person leading someone on. It isn’t cute.
Someone else’s feelings don’t necessarily end when the “locker room” talk does. Think about that. You have the chance to positively impact someone’s life – something that doesn’t have to be at all romantic in nature – and instead, you choose to make it a game. You are throwing away a chance to get to know someone. Throwing away someone else’s trust. Making a joke out of someone. It’s unfair.
I’m not saying to never hook up with someone or talk to them. But there’s no denying the world would be a better place if everyone was clearer about his or her intentions. It’s easier to lay it all out on the line once than to carry on a lie only to have it all thrown back in your face eventually. You got drunk and made out with someone, but don’t ever see them as anything other than a friend? Fine, but let them know. You guys talked for a while and really hit it off, but you aren’t sure if you’re ready for a relationship? That’s okay, but say so. You genuinely like them but aren’t really good at the whole “talking about feelings” thing? Hey, not everyone is, but say that. Have a conversation – preferably when neither of you are under the influence.
Communication is so vital in so many aspects of life, both large and small scale. And while someone may mean very little to you, you may mean more to them than you know. So go ahead. Talk to a bunch of people. Network. Speed date. Hook up. Make out. But don’t leave someone in the dark. Don’t purposely make false promises knowing it only leads to a dead end. Live your life. Enjoy the freedom and carelessness, but don’t lead someone on. Just don’t be that person. It isn’t cute.
