An open letter to the person who turned out not to be my person,

A few weeks ago, I was asked to share a personal story about heartbreak; through many tears and a cracking voice, I spoke about you. You were my so-called person, yet, you were the one who broke my heart.

Everyone thought we were #bestfriendgoals, we were the two that could’ve survived absolutely anything, the two that no one initially believed weren’t friends anymore. Many jaws dropped and mouths gaped when our mutual friends found out.

I thought you were my person, the one I could call to help me drag a dead body across the floor, my twisted sister, the Meredith to my Cristina. Until I realized you weren’t.

You made the choice to hurt me, but I made the choice to end our friendship. Initially, I wanted nothing more than to salvage our friendship; I would’ve done anything to have everything go back to normal and to have my person back. I wanted to drive around blasting Disney music with you again. I wanted to spend hours talking about nothing, yet, still laughing until we cried. I wanted to show up at your house unannounced, dance it out, and make this all go away. Except, it wasn’t my job to fix.

I didn’t knowingly make a choice that would make you have to relearn how to trust. I didn’t make the choice that left you wondering why. I didn’t pick a boy over you; you picked him over me. You admitted you were being entirely selfish, yet that simple choice is the reason we’re no longer friends.

Regardless what you think, whether you believe this or not, it wasn't about the boy. It was the fact you so easily made a choice knowing it would hurt me and the fact that it didn't stop you. As my person, I shouldn't have ever had to experience you hurting me; you were the one person who was supposed to be there for me no matter what, the person who would never, ever, under any circumstances, intentionally hurt me. But you did, and that's why I had to walk away.

I’m not writing this to make you feel like a horrible person, you know you broke my heart and that’s okay. We’ve both managed to keep functioning without one another; something we never thought we’d be able to do or for that matter, have to do. I’m writing this to you as closure for myself. I need to do this to finally move on with my life, three months after the fact.

Thank you for the seven years you were my person. I can’t express how grateful I am for them. In that time span, you taught me a lot of things I would have never learned without you.

Thank you for teaching my how to trust someone; you were the one person I could tell anything to and know I wouldn’t face judgment. Along with that, thank you for reminding me never to put all my trust in anyone; you never know when they’ll turn out to be someone you thought they weren’t.

Thank you for teaching me how to be fully invested in any type of relationship; you showed me writing letters and little surprises can go a long way. Similarly, thank you for teaching me when a relationship is toxic and when it’s time to walk away; without you, I would continually be poisoned by unhealthy relationships.

Finally, thank you for teaching me how lucky I am. You were my person, and we had a great seven years together. Yet, while choosing to walk away from you, I had never felt so alone and abandoned. That was until my amazing best friends and family stepped up and made me realize how blessed and loved I truly am. I am so incredibly lucky to have the people I do in my life, and I only realized that because I lost you. You taught me to have a greater appreciation for the people in my life while they’re in it.

With all that out in the open, you broke my heart and whether or not you believe this, I have no hard feelings towards you. I still love and care about you; I think I always will. Along with that, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss you. It comes in waves, some days I don’t think about it at all, others it physically hurts so much I can’t even move. But as I’ve said before, just because you love and miss someone doesn’t mean they deserve another chance.

I truly hope you are doing well and you’re happy. I never want you to look back and regret losing me; all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be blissfully happy and exceedingly successful. I full heartedly wish you the best, princess.

With love,

Your person who decided to walk away