Dear suicide survivor,
Somehow, someway, you have been saved. You were stopped from ending your life. And now you are here, still here. Still dealing with all the f*ck ups and maybe even the pain that your choice caused, trying to find your purpose in this messed up world. It can seem like such a blessing, but also a curse. Maybe you planned your death day for months, years, or just days. Regardless, you are alive.
Finding your purpose in life from this point on will be the hardest thing you've ever done. It will seem harder than just offing yourself because it means you have to deal with all the horrible things this life has to offer. But I promise you can find your way, time is one of the greatest healers. Time is what you must accept if you are to heal.
1. Accept every inch of your past.
From the second you tried to lose your life to all the moments in the past that made you believe that you'd be better off not being here. You may feel like your whole world is spinning, that everything is different and changed, but I promise it is all for the better.
2. Accepting help is what you need and the only way out of this dark place is to find trust in the people who want to help you heal.
After spending so much time trapped in your own head, it can seem impossible to open up to anyone. Finding someone who truly understands can seem like the hardest thing in the world, but just speak to anyone. It doesn't matter whether they understand, just speak.
3. DO NOT watch "13 Reasons Why."
The show is the most triggering show I have ever seen. People who say the show is so great and informative have clearly never had the thoughts that someone who has contemplated suicide has. The show is extremely graphic and for good reason, because suicide is an extremely graphic thing. But reliving that through a TV show can be one of the most harmful things for the healing process. The people in this world who are a Hannah Baker, who took their own lives for whatever demons that haunted them will forever be missed. Also yes, the show shows how suicide can be brought on by school bullying, but it completely ignores the topic of mental illness, just like the rest of the world.
4. Imagine the world with you in it.
After spending however long imagining the world without your presence, it can be hard to accept that you are here to stay. You may be scared because your secret is out, that everyone knows what you're capable of doing to yourself. Let the knowledge of what they will do to stop you strengthen you should you ever think about trying again. You must imagine, you must think about your future beyond the day of your death. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time.
5. Never forget about the sadness you feel.
Years, or even weeks after, the sadness may still live inside you. Don't be afraid of the sadness, accept it. It was you at one time, but now you are different. You are healing. You are getting better one day at a time. And yes you might slip or f*ck up or fall back into those negative thoughts every once in awhile. But never forget this... You are a survivor of suicide.
Congratulations on being one of many of us who has survived and chosen life over death. Sometimes we all must find a new reason and purpose to live in this crazy world. Don't ever give up, don't ever stop fighting for your worth. Because you are worth every breath you are given. You are worth the life you received.
You are worth it.
Love,
A fellow survivor.
