The one thing in life that the majority of us want in life is to be wanted; by your family, friends, and those who are lucky to love you for the rest of their life. The one thing I always wanted was for you to want me, and for you to be proud of me. I've worked really hard in this life to be someone you'd be proud of, and that you'd want to spend time with. You left Mom and I before I was even born, and you were in and out so often I didn't even know I was your kid. I didn't know who you really were until I was about 7 years old. I didn't know why it took so long to meet you because all of my friends had their daddies live in their house with them, and took them out for ice cream after school. I never got that. I always thought it was my fault, but it's not at all. I did nothing to cause you to not want me.

I did nothing to deserve to be abandoned, none of us did. It's never the kids fault. Mom did everything she could to give me a good life, and thank goodness that we had the family that we did, or I may not be on such a good path. They say it takes a village, and I believe that to be true. When I needed a parent, I was lucky enough to have a handful of people to choose from that raised me.

You were the first man to ever break my heart, so I guess that's why it didn't sting so much when another one decided to add another cut. My expectations growing up were so low, and it was even more discouraging, because when you expect nothing, you're still disappointed. That's the downside of being an optimist. No matter how much you tell yourself you won't be upset, you expect the best out of people, because that's what you've hoped and prayed for your entire life.

I've been so scared to love that I've mistreated the most important ones in my life at some point or another. My anxiety is so bad, I don't trust him to leave the house sometimes, and that's not fair to either of us. That does not mean I place the blame for the anxiety on you, I don't blame you at all.

You only learn what you've seen. There haven't been any good role models for love in my life, so it's still brand new to me. I don't know how to be okay without someone there to affirm that they want me at all hours of the day because I'm so afraid that they won't come back, no matter how many times they reassure me.

You promised me so many things.

And you missed prom.

You missed every dance recital.

You never showed to a single t-ball game.

I'm terrified to have kids because I'm afraid that I'll be left alone to raise them by myself, or that they won't grow up to treat someone right. Sometimes, though, I'm not too afraid, because I know that when the time comes, I'll know all of the right things to do.

I'll cuddle them.

We'll have macaroni and cheese with hot chocolate for supper, just because.

We will have movie nights, their choice.

We will go fishing and actually, go.

I won't forget them like you forgot me.

I'll always be there for my kids, and I'll tell them every single day how much I love them.

I want to take this time to say that I'm not mad anymore, though I have been for a very long time. I've held this grudge on my back like a backpack full of bricks, and I have finally learned that I get to choose how I feel about this.

Just because you didn't want me, doesn't mean that I don't have to love myself.

Just because you didn't want me, doesn't mean that I have to hold onto that pain for my entire life. I can do better than that. I can have the life that I deserve, pain-free.

With all of that being said, I hope you're doing well. I hope that you have finally found what you've been looking for. I want you to have happiness in your life too.

I may not know you very well, but I want you to know that I love you very much.

So here is me letting go.

We're family, and family means that nobody gets left behind.