Dear XX,

For your sake, I won’t say your name, although it is one that lives in the forefront of my mind and causes my breath to falter every time I hear it. There are so many things I want to say to you. I remember the day I found out about you and your affair with X; my heart dropped, my stomach sank, and it seemed as though my world had quite literally come crashing down around me. The following days and months can be characterized by what seemed like endless amounts of tears. And even when I was sure that my body could not produce any more tears, I was continuously proved wrong. My nights were spent, laying wide awake in bed, thinking about the two of you. Did he touch you the way he touched me? Did he think about me when he was with you? Did you make him happier than I made him? Did you make him laugh the way I did? Did he really love me? Did he tell you he loved you too? Quick glances at the clock would tell me that it was 3:53 in the morning, but sleep was useless. I was numb and sleep wouldn’t fix that.

There is absolutely nothing like the feeling of knowing the man you love has had his hands on another woman. But not just any woman. When I found about you, I found out everything about you. I saw pictures of you all over my Instagram feed, I learned your name, your major and where you are from. We even had several mutual friends. You weren’t just the other woman, you were XX. Because I had known so much about you, it was so much more real. I had a face to match the name. Undoubtedly, my imagination brought me to painful places. Each time I saw you at the dining hall or running on the treadmill at the gym, the wound was reopened.

I wanted to hate you. I don’t hate you now, but for a long time, I did. You were the ultimate enemy. You were “the other girl”, “the stupid bitch that had sex with my boyfriend”, the girl that he obviously wanted more than me, and boy did that kill me. I know your Instagram handle by heart because I have spent endless nights scrolling through your pictures and wondering what you have that I don’t. Thoughts of you and him together have caused me a tremendous amount of pain. Not just any type of pain, but the type of pain that sets your stomach on fire and causes so much heartache that you feel as though it will never go away. The type of pain that can only be understood if you have felt it. Don’t get me wrong thoughts of the two of you also caused what seemed like an insurmountable amount of anger. Thoughts of receiving revenge consumed my mind. I wanted to hurt you as bad as your actions had hurt me.

Then I met you. As soon as I saw you, I knew exactly who you were. You were just as beautiful in real life as you had been in all of the pictures I had seen. I was instantly envious of your perfect curves and your silky blonde hair. And then I dropped something and you swiftly reached to pick it up for me. I wanted to hate you, desperately. But I couldn’t, you were kind and caring. You struck up a conversation and we talked for hours as if we had known each other for years, except you had no idea who I was and what he meant to me.

I can’t hate you. Trust me, I have tried with every fiber of my being. You had no idea that I existed. We are in the same position and the roles could easily be reversed with you writing this letter to me. All along, I have misplaced the blame and for that I am sorry. You are just as much as a victim as I am, he hurt you. He hurt us. And although you texted me last week asking if I wanted to grab coffee with you and I politely told you I couldn’t, I want to say thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I am worth so much more than lies and deception. Thank you for reminding me that I deserve someone who wholeheartedly wants me as much as I want them. Thank you for showing me that there is some goodness in this world. Thank you for reminding me what pain feels like because without pain we cannot truly begin to understand the beauty of healing.

Lastly, I want to say everything will be okay. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. The pain will subside and soon he will be a distant memory. But until then, please remember your worth. Even if he couldn’t recognize our value, you must. I wish we could have met under different circumstances but maybe our paths will cross again later in life. Good luck with all of your future endeavors.

Thank you again,

Remi Schott