You are the reason for my walls being up. You are the reason for me questioning every single move I make. The reason for me always apologizing in fear of saying the wrong thing. If you wouldn't have been the way you were to me, I wouldn't have spent most of my nights tossing and turning, losing out on hours of sleep. I wouldn't keep imagining all these stupid, fake scenarios of being left by the man who is currently in my life who actually loves me.

You are the reason for most of the nightmares I get. You caused me to believe at any given moment people already in my life would just walk out and talk crap about me. You made me believe for the longest time that I was not worthy of anyone and no would ever be in love with me. I always will feel like I am in the wrong even if it is the other person's fault. I will always have that lingering feeling that I am not enough to satisfy anyone. You were the reason my heart has made it difficult to let more people in and love me.

You took for me granted and you used me until you didn't need me anymore. I was basically just a child's toy to you because you found someone who could satisfy your needs more than I could. Someone who you thought looked better than me, because that was your main focus, being physically attracted to them even if they had the ugliest personality.

Even though I literally would have given you the world and so much more. You have given me the mentality of "hope for the best, prepare for the worst." The damage you have done left me thinking that no one would ever want to be with me--like you were my only chance at love. I wasted so many tears on you, wondering what I possibly could have done wrong and how I could change to myself to be with you.

Although, because of you I have learned to become stronger on my own. I have learned to take caution with things. If you wouldn't have abandoned me, I wouldn't have taken some of the opportunities I did. I wouldn't have met my friends that I have today. I would have just been at your beck and call. I would have kept giving you chances and hoping you were going to change. I would have kept changing myself in the hope that you would love me.

Being abandoned by you helped me discover myself again and helped me realize what kind of person I needed to be loved by. You made me realize what kind of people I need to keep out of my life. So that is something I could thank you for. Even though you caused damaged to me, I hope one day you will realize the damage you caused, own up to it and apologize and respect the people who love you in the future.