When he told you I was a deal breaker when he disappeared, you stayed. I can’t even fathom the fear that was with you, especially with the stigma attached to being a single parent. The fear of telling your family or your friends that your entire life was about to change. The fear of what would happen once I would be in your arms and what might ensue once we went home, which wasn’t an actual address at the time. Instead of wishing your mistakes away, you stayed.
Till the day I die I will forever be grateful for the unconditional love you showered over me for the last nineteen years. You could have resented me for mucking up what once, I assume, was a less complicated life. You could have ignored my existence. Instead, you poured every ounce of yourself into being an amazing mother for the unplanned child you didn’t think you were prepared for.
I’ve seen families who had plenty of the things you hated that you couldn’t give me and even with money and huge homes most weren’t nearly as happy as I was with the love you gave me. You worked your ass off to give me the opportunities you felt were important. I didn’t do well with hand eye coordination so you worked an extra two job to make dancing possible. You taught me the meaning of money and raised me on the concept of responsibilities. All things that meant more to me than getting the latest toy or name brand clothing.
When I was younger, I longed for “the missing piece” of my puzzle, as if knowing someone who didn’t want to be around would benefit me in some major way. I know that wasn’t an easy thing to talk to your daughter about but you never lied and you tried your hardest to tell me everything you knew. When the hole I told myself I had wasn’t filled by a more detailed description of my dad, I started to realize the lack of importance his presence had in my life. That reminded me yet again, how amazing you are.
As I grew up I saw you as my best friend unless I did something wrong. Then, you were definitely my mother but that showed me the consequences of my actions. You were the best person to talk to about my problems, the best shopping partner, and my biggest fan. We were known for being inseparable and to this day, you are the only person to have been by my side through everything.
When I was old enough to fully grasp how much you had done for me was also around the same time I started hearing people talk about single parent families. You are thrown statistics and facts about the “detrimental effects” of growing up without a father or how single parent families struggle to give their children fulfilled lives. It confused me so much because besides when it was father daughter dance season, I never felt like I was missing a thing. I was happy, healthy, and smart, never did I once feel like I was behind the curve due to the lack of testosterone in my life.
I guess what I am trying to say is I am grateful that out of any family I could have belonged to, I got you. I was given a determined, dedicated, badass mother who gave me everything I could have ever needed. You took your life and flipped it upside down nineteen years ago in order to give me an amazing life and I am forever grateful for you. In the end, this is me trying to tell you that what you thought was not enough, was you giving me a life beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you for staying when it was the harder choice, thank you for being my mom.
