There is always that person who comes into your life and leaves you with questions and feelings of emptiness. Like everything, there is always an end. That said, there is an end to every relationship we partake in. It is not the experiences you have with people that define the relationship, but how that relationship makes you feel when it is all over. In my life, many have come and gone without a blink of an eye, but there are those few that left me speechless.
My grandfather was always a big part of my life and, even more, a huge influence. He seemed to always have total control of our family, and he never let on the slightest amount of vulnerability. Overall, he was almost intimidating. As a grew older, it became apparent to me that I was seeking his approval and validation in everything I chose to do. This was rare for me as I was brought up to feel confident in my decisions and to know that I was the only one who had total control over my life. This was not only the case for me; it seemed that he had that effect on many members of my family. When he passed away at the hands of cancer my senior year of high school, I felt empty. It seemed like a huge part of my life had been taken away, but I could never figure out how he affected the lives of so many, including myself.
They say that people come into our lives for a specific reason, and that everyone makes an impact. I do not think this was clear to me until I lost the one man who left me feeling helpless without a cause. This letter is the unsaid, unwritten note to my grandfather that I wish he could read today.
Dear Poppy,
I am 20-years-old, now, and have finished my first year of college. I am still running like I did when you came to my meets and supported me in high school. Although you said that I can always do better, I am happy and I know you were be proud of me even if you did not show it. The family, myself included, misses you a lot, but we are all doing just fine.
After you left, I learned a lot not only about the strength of our family, but the strong impact you truly had on other people's lives. You always seemed to know what was right and you wanted the best for us. I always questioned where such a strong opinion could come from and what you did in life that made you so wise. It was definitely the strong presence you had in a room that made me seek your approval, but I never questioned you until you were gone. It dawned on me that your wisdom came from your past. The triumphant moments and mistakes you made explain why you knew so much. Learning about your past almost made your impact on my life greater.
As humans, we do not always make the right choices and we sometimes betray people along the way. No one is perfect and we all have our share of issues. Life is unpredictable, and even the people we love the most can shock us to the point where we no longer know who we are. At first, I thought you were not who I thought you were. But, honestly, you became the man I always knew you were behind it all.
You taught me so much in your life, but the biggest lesson I learned from you was when you were gone. Poppy, you will always be a huge idol in my life and a strong figure I will never forget, but it is your imperfections that show me life does not always go the way you planned. No one is immune to the obstacles that we all face. You will forever be missed, forever have a place in my heart and forever live with me through your teachings.
