November 3rd, 1997 is the day that you became a father — I’m sorry, it’s the day that my mother became a father. That could have been you, but you weren’t there, so you don’t get that title. You don’t deserve it. Your absence has affected me in more ways than you’ll ever be able to understand.
Let’s just start by naming a few times when I needed you the most and you weren’t there: learning to ride my bike, that could have been you, but no, you decided that the streets that offered nothing but bad were better than the sidewalk that was good, the sidewalk that I would constantly fall on from practicing without training wheels. That sidewalk has had more encounters with me than you have, how sad is that? I needed you.
Let’s talk about all of those father and daughter dances — HA, those were a complete joke. All of my friends were excited and were talking about the dresses that their dad had bought them and I just sat there wishing that you were there, wishing that I could talk about my dress as well. I don’t even like dances, but I would have done anything to go to one with you. I would have worn a dress and had mom do my makeup even though I hated those things, I would have done anything, I needed you.
I could go on to middle school, high school and now college, but that would be pointless, you should get the idea by now. You were never there and I learned to live with that, and although I’ve accepted that you’ll never be a part of my life it still hurts.
I sometimes think about my future and how it’s going to be without you, you won’t be there for my wedding, who’s going to walk me down the aisle? My mom could, but that isn’t the same, I want the traditional wedding, I want you to be there. I want it all, I want the good and the bad, but I get nothing, you’re selfish and you don’t care. I hope that someday you’ll realize the pain you’ve caused me and I just hope that you don’t do the same to your other children.
I could end this by saying that I forgive you, but I don’t. I will never ever forgive you, but I want to say thank you. Thank you for making me stronger, you’ve showed me that I don’t NEED anyone to make me happy, never again will I allow my happiness to lie in the hands of another person, especially one that isn’t guaranteed to stick around. I’ve learned from your mistakes and I can assure you that I will not take after you, I will be better, I am better. So good luck to you and everything that lies in your future.
With Love,
Jasmine
