I remember my time with you through rose-colored glasses, not because my life was ever perfect, but because whenever I was with you, everything was okay. You brightened my day and listened to every single detail of my day without complaint. You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess. We had a routine that I never got tired of. I miss Wawa runs, and eating lots of junk food. I miss trips to Atlantic City and Chipotle. I miss the excessive amount of flannel you owned, waking up next to you, and our obsession with The Office. Pam & Jim were our #relationshipgoals. You put a smile on my face while finishing my last year at a high school that I was indifferent about. We were pretty good at being professional bums and couldn't be in the same room without sitting next to each other and holding hands. The night we met is one of my favorite stories to tell, and it's amazing that we even talked considering how shy we both were. But it's a cute story and I smile every time I think about it. I remember talking about our plans to go away to school the next fall, and I remember thinking that whatever this was, wasn't going to last more than two months. I was wrong. It took us three weeks to call it a relationship and it took four months to say I love you.

And then the fall came, and life got in the way, new people and new priorities and miles weren't supposed to matter but they always do. I started questioning the idea of a long distance commitment at 18, 19 and then 20, but I didn't stop feeling. I had a terrible way of showing it, but I never stopped caring. I couldn't admit even to myself sometimes that I could ever want to see who else was out there, that I thought maybe my life didn't begin and end in my hometown because if I admitted that, it meant that you weren't going to be the person I ended up with, and while I wasn't ready to say forever at such a young age, I also wasn't ready to lose you.

I can't forgive myself for how things ended. I keep thinking how if I had said something differently or sooner that we could have avoided a lot of hurt. There was a point where we were quite toxic for each other. But once the storm went away and the hate subsided, I found myself missing my best friend. I missed you a lot, but I knew you were still too mad to talk and that I had to wait.

After eight months, I was so happy when we finally reconnected. I love talking with you, and you still make me smile and laugh. Sometimes there's so much that I want to say, but I can't because someone would just get hurt again. No one would approve, and that would be a bumpy road to go back down. Being in your life, in any capacity, is so wonderful, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I get to hear about your life and know that you're okay and while I might not be the girl you bring to Thanksgiving or introduce to all of your friends, I'm still on the sidelines and there for you when you need it.

Through all of this, you have to know how truly amazing you are. You have a great new job, and such a promising future. You're going to be living on your own soon and you have all the love from your friends, family, and a new relationship. And so I miss calling you baby and cute (100 times a day), and feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, but your world is going to keep turning and I am cheering you on every step of the way.