An Open Letter To The Girl Patiently Waiting With An Impatient Heart

An Open Letter To The Girl Patiently Waiting With An Impatient Heart

"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." ~Psalm 62:5
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You can't rush something that you want to last forever. That's what I tell myself when my mind is so overwhelmed that it feels as if my life is in a continuous spiral that I only wish I could have full control of. But, in all reality, that's not how it's supposed to be at all. Maybe I am supposed to feel helpless when I sit in the chaos of what my life is. Maybe there is a bigger picture being created that I am blind to, but just for right now.

When I tell you there is nothing I want more than to get on with my life, I really mean there is absolutely nothing my heart longs for more. I want to hurry up and graduate college, but I said the same thing when I was in high school, and look at me here now, forever wishing for my ever-evolving future to make its entrance. When I was in middle school, I had various boyfriends, thinking I wanted to marry each of them, I prayed that time would pass and that I would marry them as soon as I could, but here I am now, totally in love with my boyfriend of over four years, Noah, saying the exact same thing. I want to graduate with my degree(s), get engaged somewhere along the way, build my house with Noah, marry him and have kids and love doing what I chose as a career path until the day the Lord calls me home. That is all I want. Doesn't seem like much, does it? I am sure your plan is similar to mine, but in its own special context. But these kind of things weren't supposed to be proposed and fulfilled in MY timing or YOUR timing. The hours glass is in someone else's hands who has a better future already set in stone, even now, for every single one of us. That someone is God.

I am not sure about you, but I can testify that if I was the one to have had absolute control over my life up to this point, there is no telling where I would be right now. Just take a minute and think about it. In my mind, I am assured that all the things I want are what's best for me at this moment, but how could I really know? God is on the right side of me whispering, "Just wait. It is all a process. Trust my timing, my princess.", while I ramble on about me, me, me and everything I NEED to do and everything I NEED to happen. It is only when I get out of my mindset of self that I can actually breathe and see that I am only in the beginning of my story, my temporary forever here on Earth.

Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, has an old song on one of her first albums titled "One in a Million" that my ear would constantly perk up to, even at the age of 10. One lyric in the song that still sticks out to me TO THIS DAY is, "They say that good things take time,". To me, this means to trust the waiting. You have to trust the timing on the nights you are up late studying aimlessly or that one day you're so bored in class that you "pin" your entire wedding on Pinterest. You must trust the wait, because the longer you wait, the more you ponder on it and the more the heart either grows more or less fond of whatever idea you have in mind at that moment. So trust God in His timing, because trust in Him is faith in Him--faith that He will provide you with anything that you might need, then some.

One thing that absolutely terrifies me, but fascinates God is the uncertain. God loves giving me new challenges, waiting for me to seek Him for guidance and watching how I carry His presence with me and over me like a blanket after I listen to what He has to say. He tells me, "Do not fear, for I am with you,", but yet I still fear what I do not know. The unknown is scary because we aren't familiar with it, so therefore it is not pliable like everything else in our life. We, as natural humans, hate when we cannot fix things to how we would like them to be. However, it is through our embracing of the uncertainty that we learn to love the process of becoming. Becoming a better friend, a better daughter, better wife, better colleague, better person than the day before, better servant to God...because when nothing is certain, anything is possible.

Life is a journey. It has twisting roads, high hills, low valleys, sunny days and rainy nights. Some days, you might not know how you're gonna make it to tomorrow, but what you can know, fully, is who holds tomorrow. I know that right now, you want everything all at once. But what would be the purpose of life if you received all you were entitled to all at one time? There wouldn't be one. So consider all these things you refer to as obstacles, giant leaps forward. Enjoy the ride, I promise everything that is designated to be yours will be yours as long as you learn to wait. So steady that heavy-beating heart of yours and learn to be patient as you wait for new blessings. Live your life day-by-day and you will surely find the treasure you are endlessly seeking. And always remember, do not trade God's timing for your deadline.


Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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Making The Most Out Of A Short Summer

Choose happiness.

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If you're like me, you only have 1-2 weeks max before your summer gets extremely busy with other things. Whether it be internships, classes, fellowships, work, volunteering, or anything else, you've lost most of your free time. I am extremely grateful to have an internship this summer, but that means I have only one week to fit everything into my summer. And so of course, I'm making the most out of it.

But how do you do this? I could be slouching on the couch, sad about how little I'll see my family and friends, but instead, I am up every morning (yes, 11 A.M. is still technically morning for some of us), shower, and then start my day of activities. Sleep is important to me, so sleeping in the first couple of days to refresh helps prepare me for the rest of the summer. Then, I call my mom and ask if she needs anything done. If you're going to be home, keeping your family happy is key. Then, I go and see all of the important people in my life who are home. For me, this means spending the day with family, but for others, it could be friends, significant others, etc. I also make sure to sneak in my favorite local restaurants into the dinner mix for the week. So if I'm going to be away again, at least my favorite foods were eaten first. Or I ask my mom to make some of my favorite dishes that week. I also make sure to do all of the regular summer activities I would usually spread out. Shopping, grilling, going out for drinks, that kind of stuff. One activity a day to hold me over. At night, I binge watch all of the Netflix shows I've been saving up so I won't be distracted later. For you, this time might be spent reading a book or working on a project you've been wanting to do. And each day, do it over again for 7 days.

Being home for a short amount of time does not have to put a damper on your summer plans. As long as you plan and organize everything you love accordingly, you can fit it into your time frame and still have an amazing summer break. Even if it's just for a week or two.

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